on The circle of life by sanity
11 Jul 2004, 6:03 AM
i laughed. I cried...mostly cried. then i began to vomit
on for June (the boy not the month)/Beatrice Poon by New Life Drug
11 Jul 2004, 6:10 AM
cut off the first half
on Funny Little World by LintyWeenis
11 Jul 2004, 6:07 AM
well. this poem...not so good. but your screen name is the best i have seen...perfect, diamond brilliance.
10
10
on Ze invsible limerick by DR Limerick
11 Jul 2004, 6:08 AM
crickets chirping
on Closed Doors by the indign
11 Jul 2004, 6:15 AM
my god, child. have you read this aloud?
anew again?
sour knife?
anew again?
sour knife?
on some deleted poem
7 Jul 2004, 5:41 AM
great poem. ominous. title room should be 203
on some deleted poem
7 Jul 2004, 5:54 AM
this is a haiku. it is in the present moment. everything is natural. and who gives a fuck?
the title: i don't know. the link to brando is necessary for full effect, but why not just Brando?
3rd line...i would like it better as "the moon grown fat" perhaps making the entire ku one sentence.
i have become addicted to haiku, and have written nothing but for the past 2 weeks or so...quite frustrating actually. I wish i had never written one.
this one is damn good.
the title: i don't know. the link to brando is necessary for full effect, but why not just Brando?
3rd line...i would like it better as "the moon grown fat" perhaps making the entire ku one sentence.
i have become addicted to haiku, and have written nothing but for the past 2 weeks or so...quite frustrating actually. I wish i had never written one.
this one is damn good.
let me be the first to say "davinguff"
sentence structure is a major, crucial element in all writing, including free verse, prose and even some grocery lists.
the worthwhile writer takes his potential audience into consideration, and tries to structure sentences in a way that makes them understandable to that audience.
I think the poem is pretty good, though it feels like a preach in parts. this is unsavory.
sentence structure is a major, crucial element in all writing, including free verse, prose and even some grocery lists.
the worthwhile writer takes his potential audience into consideration, and tries to structure sentences in a way that makes them understandable to that audience.
I think the poem is pretty good, though it feels like a preach in parts. this is unsavory.
on some deleted poem
7 Jul 2004, 6:11 AM
i dont think you have to write "i look at them" the following action implies this just fine.
good poem.
good poem.
on Bankruptcy (2) by INTRANSIT
7 Jul 2004, 6:14 AM
lions could use an apostrophe
on Bankruptcy by INTRANSIT
7 Jul 2004, 6:17 AM
i am not entirely sure, but i don't think that the word "loom" can be used as a transitive verb. perhaps move the word loom to the first line or use a comma.
this goes well with part 2, and is pretty good, and even a bit funny.
this goes well with part 2, and is pretty good, and even a bit funny.
on Urbane Jane by MacFrantic
7 Jul 2004, 6:24 AM
i still do not understand why sung and not sang.
on escape by moonlightdance
6 Jul 2004, 7:04 AM
problems that dwell in our world???
on Urbane Jane by MacFrantic
6 Jul 2004, 7:02 AM
i do think "faltered ego" could be better stated. more clear.
on The lost perfume of my yellow-rose-Girl by Prince of Void
6 Jul 2004, 6:47 AM
an attenuated strip of cheese graffiti on the side of an ass dumpster
on Virgin Bride by TwilightDawned
6 Jul 2004, 6:50 AM
Bob Sagat blowing Jung
on Blobby blob code ** by MR Blobby
6 Jul 2004, 6:53 AM
i would give you a 10, but since you already have a 3....i think shooting for the worst list is a better option. blob on.
on Urbane Jane by MacFrantic
6 Jul 2004, 7:00 AM
"her foot servants too"
what is with all the low votes here?
i think confined to an air of vanity is quite a good line.
and we sang to her
i think this poem is excellent
what is with all the low votes here?
i think confined to an air of vanity is quite a good line.
and we sang to her
i think this poem is excellent
on Mother nature's creation (Terza Rima sonnet) by sanity
5 Jul 2004, 8:27 AM
for you and I?????
on Your sad goodbye by sanity
5 Jul 2004, 8:29 AM
there is something catchy and appealing about this.