that's it.. I'm buyin one

crabby patties for all

i have come to expect much better from you than this watery slush of sentiment.

spelling errors detract.

what??? how can we dance with all this prattling on about evil and righteousness?

i took a trip to detroit several years ago.

i think the ending would read better as "you have to suck my cock to ease my pain" Or "you have to massage my rectum to ease my pain"

stoic? lilted breeze? final stanza is quite good

brilliant, brilliant stuff here.

mine's better

silence calls straight to my soul?

and you couldn't even think of a title?

first half cliche...sort of public domain adage.
eventhough ? second half, powerless. average

overdone. cut half of it.

umm..think same as god lady. but i also think the poems should end on the word shit. I like the poem though...it is defiant and kinda funny.

I prefer Quize to trate, because of the alliteration and because it implies desire. i like that line as a "trying" line...makes the last line like a nice surprise or a bonus boner.

la ultima vez
que quize sexo, (or que quize hacer amor.)
me la respondio, (or like you have it)

i like the twist at the end, but the handling throughout feels a little clumsy and unfinished.

farther should be further. get to that punch line faster.

everything above 3 and everything below, to infinity, is total bullshit. 10

guitarra, no?

well, it is recorded right here.. why? who cares?

I think it is kinda funny.