about the translation of "Si los riesgos del mar considerara..."

In the original it's in perfect Spanish hendecasyllabics. Your translation has hypermetric lines, which aren't a bad idea in and of themselves, but they don't seem like what Juana Inés de la Cruz would have written had she written in english. Also, there's nothing wrong with taking liberties in translation (in my opinion) but why does Apollo become "old?" I think just saying "...like Apollo you" would make the line flow better.


Here's an oddity. Catullus did do that silly sort of thing. He translated Sappho's poem, the one that begins

φαίνεταί μοι κῆνος ἴσος θέοισιν
ἔμμεν' ὤνηρ,

with:

Ille mi par esse deo videtur,
ille, si fas est, superare divos,
qui sedens adversus identidem te
spectat et audit

dulce ridentem, misero quod omnes
eripit sensus mihi, nam simul te,
Lesbia, aspexi, nihil est super mi
<vocis in ore>

lingua sed torpet, tenuis sub artus
flamma demanat, sonitu suopte
tinitant aures, gemina teguntur
lumina nocte.

See why I do translations more than original poems?

Here's a rough draft of the first verse. See how you like it.

Don't you leave me now,
Now we must forget
All we can forget
All that's left us now;
To forget about
All the times we fought
And the time we lost
Trying to figure out
How we might forget
When attacks of "why?"
Helped our hearts kill time,
How it thrills me yet!

(then) Don't you leave me now... (etc.)

I know the last line could use more work

Duly noted. But that would alter the rhythm.

Sorry, I just didnt like the old one that much

Um no.

Here's a REAL translation

This is a human and
Social debt owed by us all
All- even the head of state

Only with united effort and striving
Can we guard the life
And health of our nation's young generation,
And it's right to a happy childhood.

And here we need not only
Professional
and organizational aptitudes.

No less,
Being in high spirits
A true ascetiscism

Correct