poemranker ::Doe by OneFingerAnswer

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Other № 79692

Doe

by OneFingerAnswer

Member since 2002 · Posted 18 Jan 2004 · 4 comments

No candles at your vigil No one at your wake No one was at your side And so no one cried That little girl didn’t dance any more Her only shaking was in her hands Notes didn’t move her feet Under that head hung in defeat No flowers on your grave No name on the stone No one came around As they put you in the ground

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mean 7.00 weighted 5.24 rank 4075 views 239 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

4 comments

[9] richa 18-Jan-04/5:19 AM Reply
Your last one about gayness was too clumsy and didactic.

This one is really good, the tone, much more thoughtful.
[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 12-May-04/3:00 AM Reply
Great use of 'cried' to rhyme with 'side', but was her head really hung in defeat? I doubt it. You just needed her head to be hung in something that rhymed with 'feet'.
[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 12-May-04/3:02 AM Reply
-no vote-
[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 12-May-04/9:19 AM Reply
-10-