poemranker ::The Negro by Everyone

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Free verse № 98033

The Negro

by Everyone

Member since 2003 · Posted 21 Apr 2004 · Edited 29 Apr 2004 · 21 comments

He toils; Gnarled hands grope the tilth, Baked-black hide caked in filth: He's soiled. He bolts; O'er the fence, thro' Master's grounds, Straight into the waiting hounds: He halts. He wails; Bulging lips swell with rage, Thrashing limbs to break his cage: He fails. He stoops; White palms clenched about the bars, As Master's whip inflicts new scars: He droops. He toils; Gnarled hands grope the tilth, Baked-black hide caked in filth: He's soiled.

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mean 6.17 weighted 5.31 rank 3556 views 325 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

A favorite of zodiac.

21 comments

[n/a] richa 21-Apr-04/4:10 PM Reply
Good God Lydia, I know you lean towards the right, but giving this -10- is taking things a little far!
[n/a] Shuushin › richa 23-Apr-04/8:40 PM Reply
its more of a "bending over" to the right.
[10] wFraser Allonby Q.C.w 22-Apr-04/1:22 AM Reply
This is the best poem I have read for ages. Is this a collaborative effort? It's absolutely superb.

I admire the economy of language. SupremeDreamer should take note.

He travails;
His anfractuous metacarpals impinge upon the alluvium,
His cauterized and atramentous integument is begrimed with feculence:
He's besmirched.

-10-
[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › wFraser Allonby Q.C.w 23-Apr-04/5:07 AM Reply
It's the result of a year-long collaboration between a raging, bulging, crushing desire to write an offensive poeme called "The Negro", and my conscience.
[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 22-Apr-04/7:25 AM Reply
Complete genius. However, I would recommend changing "He's soiled" to "He soils". -9-
[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 23-Apr-04/5:00 AM Reply
By "He soils" do you mean "he soils himself", or "he tends to the soil"?
[10] wFraser Allonby Q.C.w › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 23-Apr-04/7:01 AM Reply
Or, indeed, "he soils such moveables and/or immoveables as with which he may (from time to time) come into contact"?
[n/a] Fear of Garbage 22-Apr-04/7:40 AM Reply
nice, but I do have a couple problems. Some of the rhymes sound forced and the ending is nothing special.
however, that jolting sensation? Where you smoothly rhyme two long lines, then go abruptly short? Don't change that.
[10] zodiac 22-Apr-04/7:44 AM Reply
A dullard;
Widely thought to have an enormous knob,
Picks his teeth with a dried corncob:
He's coloured.
[10] zodiac › zodiac 22-Apr-04/7:54 AM Reply
A darkie;
Says things like 'Right on' and 'brother',
Robs the henhouse and engages in other
Malarky.
[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › zodiac 22-Apr-04/7:55 AM Reply
He slouches;
When Master's gone to bed,
He sneaks o'er 'hind the shed
And crouches.
[10] zodiac › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 22-Apr-04/7:57 AM Reply
He stabbéd
The overseer with sawed-off spoon,
And when exposed to the light of the moon
Goes rabid.
[10] zodiac › zodiac 22-Apr-04/8:00 AM Reply
Li'l Dora
Didn't believe us; down by the creek
She found him - O! I daren't speak
Of the horror!
[10] wFraser Allonby Q.C.w › zodiac 22-Apr-04/8:04 AM Reply
THIS IS A PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT

NEGRO HOUR WILL BE ENDING IN TEN MINUTES

JESU HOUR WILL COMMENCE AS SOON AS NEGRO HOUR ENDS

LATER TODAY YOU WILL BE ENCOURAGED TO PARTICIPATE IN NAKED MUD WRESTLING WITH TEENAGE CHRISTIAN VIRGINS

PLEASE EAT YOUR GREENS
[10] wFraser Allonby Q.C.w › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 23-Apr-04/9:12 AM Reply
He slouches;
When [his] Master's gone to bed,
He sneaks [away] [behind] the shed
And crouches.

Better?
[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 22-Apr-04/8:12 AM Reply
The Rajah's Morning Movement by -=Dark_Angel=-

He strains;
His royal fruity gas is followed
By remains of what he last night swallowed:
Chilled monkey brains.
[n/a] Shuushin › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 23-Apr-04/8:39 PM Reply
curried monkey brains would be better.
[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › Shuushin 24-Apr-04/12:50 AM Reply
Obviously you have never seen Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Your opinions on all matters are therefore void.
[n/a] horus8 › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 29-Apr-04/1:45 PM Reply
Faces of death has a mint live monkey brain beating to eating that's quite ace!
[8] DrinkYouAway 29-Apr-04/5:40 PM Reply
Wow, Very Very Very intense, strong wording. I really loved the way you wrote this, its so dark, and horrible. Great write
[6] titan69 22-May-04/12:55 AM Reply
O yer so youv seen ROOTS as well. 6/10 for observation.