Re: Cabbagetown will miss you by tre	Tara57 147.9.40.112	8-Apr-04/12:04 AM
There are so many great things happening in this poem...some really great line I LOVE the last stanza...still I think it can be cleaned up the images can be made sharper...cut out some of the narrative parts make us feel Cabbagetown not just hear about it. Also capitalize three to make it clear it is his name. An example of possibly a way to edit it: Parties with dogs who roam streets chase cats speak to eachother All NIGHT They too were at your birthday party everyone was there but you not you THree you were in the hospital there were no dogs there your accident struck you down before your cancer could Lifes a Bitch Three but you already knew that People whisper its better this way My mom says it too I still don't understand I wish I had known you better I don't know if that is cleaner but something along those lines would make this incredibly powerful poem even more powerful Keep with this poem It will be GREAT
Re: SEASON OF WINTER by galaxy4unknown	anyone 156.99.105.188	8-Apr-04/6:18 AM
Foam in winter? A couple of spelling errors.
Re: SEASON OF WINTER by galaxy4unknown	wilco 24.176.102.131	8-Apr-04/6:29 AM
Yes, you need to fix the spelling errors, and I would not use "thou" so much (if at all).
Re: Las Gaviotas by Bachus	Christof 217.44.71.65	8-Apr-04/7:03 AM
It's been on the site so long and I've never seen it. t's great, really beautiful and delicate. This is tops.
regarding some deleted poem...	Christof 217.44.71.65	8-Apr-04/7:06 AM
She's a college graduate? Oh my great God. I thought she was about 12 and therefore forgivable. I suppose the word 'meta-relationship' gives away the fact that she's had some education. The question is, what the hell has she done with it?
Re: SEASON OF WINTER by galaxy4unknown	zodiac 67.240.155.144	8-Apr-04/7:48 AM
I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM - MY KEYBOARD ONLY HAS CAPITAL LETTERS.
Re: SEASON OF WINTER by galaxy4unknown	Shuushin 147.154.235.52	8-Apr-04/8:13 AM
What's all the DAMN YELLING in here?? My gawd.
Re: Swan Lake by Caducus	Bachus 24.130.214.180	8-Apr-04/1:15 PM
Sin.
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 68.66.196.168	8-Apr-04/1:58 PM
The law and the norm that I reject, still I conform to. It's a good theme and emotionally said. I know hoe this feels, but don't quite get the "forbidden dance."
Re: Metametahaiku by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	horus8 24.130.214.180	8-Apr-04/2:13 PM
My hat has a helicopter pad.
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 147.226.161.29	8-Apr-04/2:13 PM
So sad, no insults on this one!
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 68.66.196.168	8-Apr-04/2:19 PM
Alright everyone, let's see what we have here. Well first, I see a quite important principle: "I want the want I have for you." Much erudite prose has been written on this theme and I must say that crystal lane swift has shown her own personal experience with this frustrating emotion quite effectively. Just coming to the recognition of it is more than most of us do.
Re: SEASON OF WINTER by galaxy4unknown	some deleted user 68.66.196.168	8-Apr-04/2:29 PM
Use King James English consistantly or not at all. THOU HAVE COME NOW -> Thou comest now, for example. Yet to stand by your love in the hard times is like getting through a hard winter - good thought.
Re: carpet by thing1	some deleted user 68.66.196.168	8-Apr-04/2:32 PM
A charming sketch of a moment in time. Nice
Re: Beth by horus8	some deleted user 68.66.196.168	8-Apr-04/2:41 PM
I like this a lot. But please put a comma in "Ask the night Beth it knows." And the last line seems wrong, somehow, as if it should not be so positively convinced.
Re: Swan Lake by Caducus	some deleted user 68.66.196.168	8-Apr-04/2:48 PM
A great image. Very nice! sorrows pebbles -> sorrow pebbles?
Re: ritual of now intensified by nentwined	horus8 24.130.214.180	8-Apr-04/3:13 PM
God, if you feel this way about coffee, you could write a fucking epic on the overlooked joys of crack cocaine
Re: ritual of now intensified by nentwined	some deleted user 68.66.196.168	8-Apr-04/3:40 PM
To enjoy what you can! Love it!
regarding some deleted poem...	nentwined 66.92.28.14	8-Apr-04/3:54 PM
the first stanza is cute; the second a bit awkward. the third more awkward. and the fourth, more awkward than that, for me, and I'm afraid I don't understand what's supposed to be going on, or what the message is. :/
Re: ritual of now intensified by nentwined	zodiac 67.240.192.172	8-Apr-04/4:00 PM
Welcome back! You should get a ten for just posting again, but manna has two n's and this is my third poemranker poem about coffee today.