regarding some deleted poem...	akidnamedkev 162.83.159.232	16-Feb-04/11:38 AM
not completely awful
Re: Gone Wrong by XpunkXgirlX	lastobelus 217.82.1.186	16-Feb-04/3:16 PM
Jesus christ it must be difficult to walk down the street of a typical american city these days what with all the debris from exploding/shattered teen hearts, the corpses littering the sidewalks of kids who just couldn't handle their life of never being hungry and having the best medical care, schooling, clothing, & toys in the history of mankind. Whine whine whine whine whine whine whine. You are no punk. You're a fucking whiner. There's another 16 year old on here who actually knows how to write. She's called Fear of Garbage. Maybe she's 17 now. Look her up: THAT's poetry. This is not poetry. It's whining.
Re: The feeling by devina	lastobelus 217.82.1.186	16-Feb-04/3:36 PM
This love, it vibrates?
Re: Wanderlust (1st Draft) by andrewjthomas	SupremeDreamer 204.31.174.207	16-Feb-04/3:41 PM
Quite good.. I think you could compact this and concentrate on the last two stanzas; I believe they have the most impact, the rest seems like filler-- but there are some nice parts which are worth remaking. Just some suggestions/opinions, do whatever you like with it-- just don't get offended, whats the point? Blessed with nine.
regarding some deleted poem...	SupremeDreamer 204.31.174.207	16-Feb-04/4:02 PM
Beautiful. Heres a well deserved ten.
Re: La Belle Epoque by andrewjthomas	SupremeDreamer 204.31.174.207	16-Feb-04/4:23 PM
Editing suggestions? Cmon now, we are talking about a fucking massive amount of material here-- so to keep it simple perhaps you should break this up into several poems? This piece as one entire poem is a short novella; then theres the linebreaks ofcourse... its seems a little random, and just about midway through the piece it seems like you suddenly abandoned putting form to your blank-verse all-together. Other than the length, I enjoyed all of it (most of it anyway, there is ALOT of IT.. and my brain can only digest so much information at once.) Blessed with ten.
Re: Burn by XpunkXgirlX	lastobelus 217.82.1.186	16-Feb-04/4:35 PM
wow, in the course of this pome you slit your wrists, drown, bleed to death, and are apparently chopped up into pieces. How will you ever recover from such dire abuse in time to post another pome next week? Recovering would take weeks, if not months, of hospitalization. So if we see another post in the next couple of weeks we'll all know the pome was bullshit hyperbole.
Re: Brother by andrewjthomas	SupremeDreamer 204.31.174.207	16-Feb-04/4:45 PM
It was a joy reading this poem. There isn't anything here that bothered me; perfect write, except I'd change the linebreaks-- but honestly now, every poet has his way of applying pressure on the space bar. (What were you trying to accomplish exactly with the peculiar way you've inserted the line-breaks? How were you trying present the poem?) Blessed with ten.
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.164.241.205	16-Feb-04/9:30 PM
Continue the search.
Re: i need a title by That One	That One 66.119.33.135	16-Feb-04/10:16 PM
no viet is
Re: Serendipity (title suggestions wanted) by SupremeDreamer	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 163.1.146.87	17-Feb-04/1:18 AM
Dunces With Wolves (title suggestion)
Re: Freud suggested that I commit murder. by DreamerSupreme	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 131.111.212.215	17-Feb-04/2:17 AM
<SUPREME_DREAMER_POEME> -> <L> <L> -> <SENTENCE_FRAGMENT><BR><L>
Re: Gone Wrong by XpunkXgirlX	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	17-Feb-04/2:56 AM
"My heart has shattered like glass, I wish this feeling would surpass," Strong evocative sentiment.
Re: Jade Teacup by heartlessempath	Christof 217.44.77.166	17-Feb-04/4:14 AM
Get rid of the last line - it's unnecessary.
Re: So Defined Is He! by jasondingus	Christof 217.44.77.166	17-Feb-04/4:18 AM
Sort out these commas - you shouldn't have one after Webster, for example. And I'm confused by 'as' - you're not comparing him to anything, you're just making statements. The descriptions are nice though, and so are the rhymes.
Re: Dawns Blood Concealed by SupremeDreamer	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 163.1.146.87	17-Feb-04/4:26 AM
Your beautiful poemes balmilise themselves onto the page like the precious dumplings of a wine-slick dribbled from the lips of an urchin's loom. Truly, yours is an inner brain gland that has been mulled to the point of ecstasy. -10-
regarding some deleted poem...	fair12 66.84.225.2	17-Feb-04/6:48 AM
wow! I think you've both left me speachless - my thanks.
Re: Freud suggested that I commit murder. by DreamerSupreme	richa 81.178.244.109	17-Feb-04/7:19 AM
Good, There is a tendency to be a bit self-absorbed in some of your poems but this one steers well clear and is the better for it. 'this crazy brain of mine' is a bit look at me I'm crazy though. And jung? I wasn't aware he was obsessed with sex in the same way freud was.
regarding some deleted poem...	richa 81.178.244.109	17-Feb-04/7:21 AM
Sometimes fireworks go off in my bed. Teach me for leaving the windows open at divali. Anyway I think this is better than some of your others. Not so many daft metaphors.
regarding some deleted poem...	richa 81.178.244.109	17-Feb-04/7:25 AM
I understand this fine, but the last few lines of verse 1 are technically speaking not entirely grammatical. Also why does the yearning (kind of vague) you hear have to echo? Good though.