regarding some deleted poem...	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 163.1.146.87	28-Jan-04/11:17 AM
To sleep as mere nudelington is to share your bed with the devil himself. Nestled 'tween silken sheets, you linger and elope. Smearing yourself against the linen, though the linen would sooner remain unsullied. Giving of yourself that which should not be given. Resting, writhing, sweating in the moonlight. Silently, lewdly, and dreaming of sin.
Re: Jennifer Entire by Goad	god'swife 67.73.33.189	28-Jan-04/11:27 AM
Well let's see... I am without question an e.e. cummings holdout. I found him when I was altogether weensy, and still learning English. He was key for opening the complicated lock of language. I think I learned more about English syntax from him then I ever did from all the nice ladies deconstructing sentences on the chalkboard(Just to think of those long drawnout afternoons in class makes me want to lay my head down on the desktop and drool), so I have to disagree with the notion that such experimentation is a drawback. Up intil the first 'entire' I was throughly pleased. Especially the way 'oh California' sets the beginning lines as overture to what follows. From first 'entire' to second 'entire' I can't make out what you mean. It's frustrating because then it picks up again and I can follow the thread. Could you change the 'entire-ly' to 'entire'? Let's say: 'explained dark dark hair and eyes an entire one apart yet some finger reaches' In my humble opinion this poem might benefit from more nonsense, as it were, largest wave breaking in tantalizing sun tantalizing curl of bluegreen glass & foam, the ocean has pounded shores trillion times entire though they too have never become 1. Well that was fun, Hope you don't mind. Please keep exploring. It's not often enough I get served an exotic dish.
Re: Kernel of truth by annabellee	god'swife 67.73.33.189	28-Jan-04/11:43 AM
More focus please. i lose my way from 'burning embers...' to 'Should you bind her...' can you stay with one metaphor, or at least build a segue? You also say 'ruled by none...to grasp herself from the observer' that makes no sense. also 'She knew what to decline' seems inappropriate for someone who's being threatened by imprisonment. It's all over the place. Focus.
Re: Come off with me Carly back into the city by zodiac	andrewjthomas 192.150.10.200	28-Jan-04/11:57 AM
personally, i would lose the explanation at the beginning we should figure it out on our own stoplight/midnight and light/daylight are hard rhymes and should not be so close together i also think "it's the coming, i think, of daylight" feels out of place and is awkwardly worded you don't really use that kind of syntax anywhere else all that said, once again, you right good stuff
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.165.172.185	28-Jan-04/12:11 PM
There is no reason for your mixed grammer in this poem.
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 208.25.247.94	28-Jan-04/12:11 PM
Is this one any better?
regarding some deleted poem...	andrewjthomas 192.150.10.200	28-Jan-04/12:12 PM
yeah, it fits the form i'd put trashcan together, but that's just me i can't say the subject matter grabs me much though
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 208.25.247.94	28-Jan-04/12:13 PM
Whats that mean?
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.165.172.185	28-Jan-04/12:14 PM
Don't like Cheese? You realize it is mold?
regarding some deleted poem...	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 131.111.212.215	28-Jan-04/12:23 PM
i wish i were a cape lobster swimming through the sea id swim up next to bathing girls and pinch their twitching bums with ease my bloated claws of grey and blue slicing through the sea so true i wish i were a cape lobster swimming through the sea.
Re: I am free by blueclouds	some deleted user 208.25.247.97	28-Jan-04/12:47 PM
i like this....its good
Re: My Angel by emilys369	Shuushin 147.154.235.51	28-Jan-04/1:25 PM
OMG - this is precious: "I think of him always, twenty-four seven. I know he will always be, my angel from heaven."
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.165.172.185	28-Jan-04/1:40 PM
Arteries hardening? I like your strawberry lips.
Re: Cold Rain Road by middenHeap	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 131.111.212.215	28-Jan-04/2:12 PM
An olive spitting out its pimiento; an elderly gentleman engaging in "Single-Handed Sailing". Which is the lewder?
Re: Ode to Poem Ranker by Lenore	zodiac 152.30.44.144	28-Jan-04/2:23 PM
Hear hear!
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 152.30.44.144	28-Jan-04/2:25 PM
It's hard to say with a shorter poem. Do you think it's better?
Re: Cold Rain Road by middenHeap	zodiac 152.30.44.144	28-Jan-04/2:29 PM
No comma after skid. The 'man' reference is weird. It either sticks out too much or not enough. You are no old gentleman; you are as vernal as the Spring. On another string I hypothesize you as a young lady.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 152.30.44.144	28-Jan-04/2:37 PM
You're going to hate this: slice, moldy, stinks, thrashing, & chucking should be lower case. Old, throwing, I, and Cheesy can be lower case. You see?
Re: After The Years Howl By by Lenore	zodiac 152.30.44.144	28-Jan-04/2:39 PM
The main problem is the title. Good Ode-y meter and part-rhyme.
Re: Come off with me Carly back into the city by zodiac	zodiac 152.30.44.144	28-Jan-04/2:46 PM
ajt - this one's not supposed to be a puzzle. None of them are, really.