Re: you've returned i'm glad by richa	Prince of Void 80.71.122.59	9-Apr-07/9:54 AM
The poem’s been written by you It is full of happiness in the sweet misery of past but the melody of music altered your life As your life lingers on but you are still wondering about the season that enchanted you for years Years had faced you harsh and now it’s time to let it go and think that the reasons of those happenings Will be lost in the moment that you found something invaluable that he or she never understand...So if they fall...Nothing happen you no longer need his or her distraction.
regarding some deleted poem...	lmp 141.154.134.3	9-Apr-07/6:29 PM
brick-o-shit
Re: A KISS TO BUILD A DREAM ON . . . by stevopoet	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	10-Apr-07/4:04 AM
This is a terrible poem, if indeed it could be called a poem. Showing off that you know Gibraltar has a rock and that Thebes lies next door to the Garden of Eden is not sufficient to make up for the appallingly squelchy line: "That which cannot become grime in the wind."
Re: Tribeca by Dovina	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	10-Apr-07/5:15 AM
As excellent as watching a nnon-league game of Kabadi.
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 86.131.46.9	10-Apr-07/6:15 AM
The single best poeme posted to-day! -=Delightfully_Topical=-
regarding some deleted poem...	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	10-Apr-07/8:28 AM
Have you not read "Applicative-Order Fixed-Point Operator"? You really are a blunderingly foolish old clown. Asides from which it is men not man. It is true he can no longer write; not since he lost his arms in the accident.
Re: Makin' Bacon by NICKDRP	NICKDRP 67.68.62.83	10-Apr-07/6:19 PM
Its a great Canadian Sunday morning!
Re: Tribeca by Dovina	half.italian 76.172.249.205	11-Apr-07/1:13 AM
Think about changing the end of stanza 4. I have a picture in my head until those last two lines, and there it's disrupted. It makes sense, sensically, it just draws me out for some reason. Cool poem.
regarding some deleted poem...	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 217.36.49.166	11-Apr-07/2:59 AM
According to wikipedia, this is the funniest joke in the UK: A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you." ----------------- In my opinion, it is marginally funnier than the World's Funniest Joke (which also originated in the UK as a sketch on the Goon Show): A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
Re: Tribeca by Dovina	INTRANSIT 65.29.60.146	11-Apr-07/8:56 AM
If you want to trim some fat, here are some Ideas. S-1 -mystery too- old architecture automatically has acertain mystery that comes with it. Perhaps a little about what this 'techture is. I really like s3'4'5, though I think you have said more than you need to. Pick your favorite lines and cut the rest. No easy task, I know. I do like this.
Re: Eleven Reasons For Love by horus8	INTRANSIT 65.29.60.146	11-Apr-07/9:23 AM
Yo, Horus. Scramble this like eggs, lose the numeration, smatter the questions, and watch it fly.
Re: A touch so real by mr_ice55	Dovina 208.127.114.27	11-Apr-07/7:02 PM
If you want the opening to draw people in, then make it make sense like, "Subsiding within myself" Also, reversing the normal order of sentences in two of the last three lines could better be undone. Some good feelings here overall.
regarding some deleted poem...	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	12-Apr-07/8:02 AM
From one to another I can tell you I share the pain. Your words perfectly capture the agony caused by child abuse.
regarding some deleted poem...	bwaha 152.163.101.19	13-Apr-07/12:45 PM
Overall, I think this is a pretty skilful poem. I especially like the title, using Injun, instead of Indian, or Native American. It contrats nicely with the perspective of the people themselves, and provides some irony and flavor. Your rhythm and rhyme in this are really excellent, it flows really well and the rhyming feels pretty natural, not as forced as it could be. One thing I noticed though, is: Another dawn of executed trees Another summer of castrated lawn The last two words of each of those lines sit awkwardly, I think. Executed and castrated are such specific and evocative words, they sit flatly next to trees and lawns, which are generic and bland. I would matching these excellent verbs with equally precise and vivid nouns. The first four and last two lines are my favorite. They just flow extremely well, and the word choice seems nearly perfect. I especially love the imagery of the last two. A comparison to buffalo could have come across as overly obvious or cheesy, but I think you pull it off well. Overall, I think this is pretty excellent stuff. ~~~Megan
regarding some deleted poem...	bwaha 152.163.101.19	13-Apr-07/12:51 PM
The ideas are nice, but one thing that bothers me is that you keep putting "If I didn't have you" in quotes. Why is this? Is somebody saying this, is this something that was said to you in the past? They seem largely unnecessary. The sentiments in this are nice, but it is extremely generic. One way you could make it better would be to provide some examples that are unique unto your situation. If you didn't have him (or her, what specifically would you do? How specifically would it feel? If you dig a little deeper you can come up with a wealth of ideas and feelings worthy of poetry. One final thing (and this may just be my own personal pet peeve, buuuuut - Save the lower case I's for e.e. cummings. Here, it just makes your poem seem sloppy. Unless there is a specific reason, integral to your poem, that you are not using a lower case I, don't. ~~~Megan
Re: Makin' Bacon by NICKDRP	bwaha 152.163.101.19	13-Apr-07/12:58 PM
The first verse has very good rhythm. The worlds flow naturally, and I really like it. Only thing I would say to maybe change is "it snowed" to "there's snow" because then your rhyme is more perfect. The second verse looses the flow of the first, though. One thing to keep in mind when writing rhyming poems is to count syllables. Frequently (though not always) the closer the syllable counts in your lines are, the better the poem will flow. Also, this poem is obviously meant to be light hearted and fun, but even still...neat? Reading the first verse, I would assume I was dealing with a playful adult. But the second verse makes me feel like I am talking to a creative, yet unskilled grade schooler. The idea is cute though.
regarding some deleted poem...	bwaha 64.12.116.9	13-Apr-07/7:14 PM
hey, uh...why would you leave me a 0 and not offer an explanation why? Kinda random, dude...
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 75.82.86.162	13-Apr-07/7:53 PM
Try cutting all the words that don't carry meaning, i.e. thunderstorm hides horrific story scene of murder 575 is bunk.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 75.82.86.162	13-Apr-07/7:55 PM
Please don't vote yourself a ten; it's bad taste. Starry skies haunt my deep sleep past memories
Re: Sensually Literary Villanelle by bwaha	INTRANSIT 65.29.60.146	13-Apr-07/8:11 PM
You're a nut. Fix your weblog thingy. 6 For attempting the villanelle. 2 for not trying to go too far over your abilities. 1 for putting up with Rockmage.