Re: A Question by poetry_rancour	richa 81.179.219.225	13-Mar-07/3:02 PM
I think the reader has to understand jive to get this.
Re: Abused Light by Greeny	Dovina 75.82.86.162	13-Mar-07/3:03 PM
Good descriptions of fireworks exploding in the night, if that's what it is. I don't see why light is abused, unless the fireworks are irritating someone; it's not clear. I think "expose" needs an apostrophe on the last e. The semicolon should be a colon or dash, I think.
Re: Pedaling West by Dovina	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 63.212.164.106	13-Mar-07/6:17 PM
Poetry is no excuse for pedaling like a muppet. No wonder people point and stare. The first two lines suggest it took you some time to master the bicycle. That is a sign from God that you were not intended for outdoor pursuits, but should remain indoors where others cannot see you. To persist in activities for which you possess no talent is blasphemous, and is the second reason why feminism is a sin. The first is Jane Fonda.
Re: Her Mitts by Nepanthe	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 63.212.164.106	13-Mar-07/7:02 PM
How dare you extol the virtues of a lesser glove without paying homage to its superior: http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=91816 Incidentally, a boy in my class at primary school enjoyed scratching the other boys and making them cry. As both punishment and preventative measure, he was forced to wear mittens.
Re: LIVE FROM CHEYENNE,WY. "The Forgeters!" by horus8	jesslew 65.95.232.161	13-Mar-07/7:13 PM
i like the inclusion of a blimp this poem was stellar!
Re: terra incognita by horus8	jesslew 65.95.232.161	13-Mar-07/7:14 PM
last line was a surprise.. i like Toucan Sam
Re: Los Angeles by Dovina	jesslew 65.95.232.161	13-Mar-07/7:15 PM
does this follow the rules of haiku???
Re: Ferris Wheel by alverland theme park	jesslew 65.95.232.161	13-Mar-07/7:15 PM
i really like this very REAL
Re: The Ren (The magic in naming) by Bachus	jesslew 65.95.232.161	13-Mar-07/7:17 PM
this is really nice i'll remember it for sure aw, it's so pretty
Re: Lycanthropes and L-dopamine by horus8	jesslew 65.95.232.161	13-Mar-07/7:18 PM
okay...kind of intense
Re: The Fountain of Youth by miraclemaker	jesslew 65.95.232.161	13-Mar-07/7:19 PM
i like this
Re: Herencia Latina by Ranger	Nepanthe 74.99.232.77	13-Mar-07/9:18 PM
This is beautiful and it flows well, matching the theme to the structure as you did keeps it from sounding repetitive. Without knowing it at first I could feel a guitar in my hands... the strings along my fingertips and a current of song.
regarding some deleted poem...	drnick 24.247.112.155	13-Mar-07/11:05 PM
Nice, I can't say that I feel a strong connection to the situation, however I can see that you're not looking for something specific for the reader to relate to, it’s the outlook on life you want people to relate to; and I can see where you're coming from. You have a nice voice in this, very frank.
Re: Strung Out On Sunlight by J.B. Manning	mikeeb 207.195.60.154	14-Mar-07/10:49 AM
I like it - the beginning is strong. I might suggest having a second look at the ending, as it left me wanting. Perhaps the last line isn't even necessary? Leaving the poem as you started, with a sense of disorientation (It's 3am on Monday / or maybe Thursday of next week) might be more effective. Just a suggestion. Nice work either way.
Re: Grab Out For J. Christ! by Sing4Jesus!	poetry_rancour 142.205.240.27	14-Mar-07/11:28 AM
Please, please, please crush me to death!
Re: May Sinners Rot In Fucking Hell! by Sing4Jesus!	poetry_rancour 142.205.240.27	14-Mar-07/11:36 AM
I gave it a 5. Good beat and you can dance to it.
Re: Grab Out For J. Christ! by Sing4Jesus!	mikeeb 207.195.60.154	14-Mar-07/11:43 AM
Your motives behind this poem are not clear to the reader, or at least not this one. There were times it seemed like a satire, especially in the fourth stanza, which unfortunately devolved into an exercise in Dr. Seuss wordplay. Other times your choice of language is deadly serious, leaving me confused. I won't say 'horrendous' or 'shite' but I would suggest asking yourself why you wrote this poem. You must have had a goal in mind - don't hide it from the reader. Take care.
Re: Business As Usual (Nothing Personal) by poetry_rancour	Dovina 75.82.86.162	14-Mar-07/12:49 PM
Sorry, I don't picture this beast.
Re: You Could Be A Winner by poetry_rancour	Dovina 75.82.86.162	14-Mar-07/12:53 PM
Yep, those are about equal odds. "dividend" works, but "strife"? Maybe something more fatal.
Re: Wait by MacFrantic	Dovina 75.82.86.162	14-Mar-07/12:57 PM
Sung, it might move me, but just reading, it seems like repetitive meander without arriving.