pretty enough, well put together. Not sure there is much in the way of insight to grab the writer though

ACE Are you ACE as well?

[_] AABB rhyming scheme [_] About drugs [X] About romantic love [_] About writing [X] About suicide or self-mutilation [_] About the author's social pastimes [_] Arbitrary indentation [X] Arbitrary line breaks [X] Autobiographical but written in the third person [_] Clerical errors [_] Clichéd imagery (gazing out of window, tears falling like rain) [_] Clichéd rhymes (love/above, heart/apart) [X] Clichéd angst words (putrid, wretched) [X] Devoid of rhyme [X] Devoid of other linguistic embellishments (alliteration, onomatopoeia) [X] Devoid of other literary devices (simile, synaesthesia) [X] Devoid of wondrous or fantastical imagery [_] Ellipses used overabundantly [_] Insipidly whimsical or zany [_] Internet shorthand or emoticons [_] Leaving rant [_] Lower case only [_] 'Lyrics' [X] Melodramatic [_] Naively religious or superstitious [_] Obsessed with femininity [_] Pointedly unanswered questions [_] Rage against the machine [_] Repetition of a word or phrase to the point of nausea [_] Sanctimonious [X] Self-obsessed [_] Sentimental [_] Smugly-named protagonist [_] Thesaurophilia [_] Untitled [_] Vicarious wish fulfilment

A work of breathtaking vision

JB, Great message. You made it simple because your message is simple....but truthful....and powerful. I nodded with approval throughout my reading of this piece. -9-

Well put together and all that but this seems too political. There is no emotion, the best war poem line I have read is ' red lips are not so red/ as the stained stones kissed/ by the english dead- wilfred owen. Because it communicated something, is apolitical. This is a bit too dogmatic Well hung together though

ok the go ahead little girl sets a very creepy tone. You seem to switch from concerned (kind of) to the abuser 'blame everyone except yourself' though and it tales off a bit at the end could be snappier.

Kudos to you, you have the blue 1/10 before you even have the good marks this poem deserves.

'road noise ripples as it hits the stars' Not sure about this line, what does it refer to? And also 'a wall of sound rises' this seems to key into the same visual as 'hitting the stars' and therefore diminishes its impact. other than that ace

I liked this poem because it is so sensative.

Demonstrating such a wide understanding of different cultures

Another masterpiece, friend...

I once heard a sketch from the radio series Blue Jam by Christopher Morris in which a man went feral. It's a sort of extended sulk that can affect middle aged men. He refused to sleep in a bed and instead made a nest in the closet. He stayed there all day and only came out at night to feed. His wife was annoyed about it because he never used plates or cutlery, rather he just raided the cupboards and ate the food off the kitchen floor. Like some sort of giant rodent. A doctor was called in to try and talk him out of it but it wasn't much use. Most men that go feral eventually end up naked and make a break for the wild. When that happens they usually die of exposure or get run over.

Way too many extraneous details before getting to the meat of this. Why start in the car? Why all the workout details? In medias res.

Is "an 'ann summers'" a store? Distracting--why not just "here, where the windowfronts are blacked out in lingerie and leather"? This is good, though some of the diction is a little awkward. This has a nice poignancy.

Pretty. Why just a feral thorn? One small element of the whole is feral? Your simile has a metaphor--a life perennial as a rose with a thorn like an unloved child. That's a lot of weight for such a spare poem to bear.

Delius Smith whipping up a weekend treat!!!1819321 dsds mv, dskj

Folks stupid enough to get themselves into these whiny drama spirals unfortunately never cut themselves nearly deep enough.

And here was me thinking with a name like Pervy Elf and a title like Little girl there would be shenanigans on the way, and i was right wasn't I???/// This is quite quite quite quite quite quite beautiful. Thank you!

First I read it too fast but when I read it one more time and gave some thought to it I could feel it more and I liked it