http://mulberryfairy
on The Pimple Haikus - by scitz
24 Sep 2003, 5:57 PM
That bad?
Yea, sometimes life is sweet, sometimes it's the extra's.(The deck, afternoon brunches, Lady McBeth?)
Sometimes it's time alone.
So far this poem has a comments-to-poetry ratio of about 80:1 (not including my own comments, obviously). Is this a record? Why is there no table ranking this statistic?
This is an exercise that some of my more sentimental fellow social workers like to do with adolescents who are mandated to group therapy (you know, they pass it around where you fold down the top, and each participant writes a line to follow the line directly above...). That said, I would like to plagiarize (or, let's call it "borrow") my one line contribution to this poem:
"I wear sawdust instead of clothes."
Did the examiner mean to type "trends" here, or treds? "So, with this scene, our story trends.
Softly now."
Tricky.
Eu aprenderei terminar minha culpa. E você?
If only I could trust it.
"then my Stomach lining" (than)
"your Stricken with" (you're)
5 minutes is all I need.
5 minutes makes for a short movie night with the collective homeless under my blanket.
You need to change the opening, sounds too seminar-ish. also, blend 2and3? Have you ever heard of anti-noise? I'd love to use your (sine) sometime.
Yes, I know it well.
I don't know what to think for sure. Why all the Cap's?
I see where youre going but I don't follow.
You are still so young. Don't stress it. If it's not right, don't worry about it. Move on and don't look back.Life's too short to deal with assholes. Are you cute by the way? I'm a poet you know. Read some of mine. Tell me what you think. just click my name.
I liked it. I sense a bit of sarcasm. I'm SUCH a sucker for a good quick quip or two...but that's not the point. The more I read the more I smiled, because I know how people can be.
Capitol H Him. Do you mean God? I'm sure not, so why capitolize "him" ?The beginning of each line in a poem should be cap'd.
This is actually...really good. The first two stanzas anyway. I love "Wiggling their asses/Gathering up honey" Thereafter you have some great images that just need better structure and some paring down. Congratulations, Joe-Joe! This is by far your best work yet.
Simply love it. Sex and violence in the media. Who can go wrong?
Spineless! Least you could have done is make her work for it.
Please, don't invoke a rash of responses with Dark Angel's checklists.
Some people just don't know talent when they read it. All hail the great nostrill rocketeer. All hail Discordia!
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