Dull.

Do you enjoy sex? Why not join the sex club?

Well, it's good to see this side of things, but it's all sentiment and no vision. How was the chidhood not perfect, how did you do your best? You need to give the reader images, not sentiment, the images impart the sentiment, that's how poetry works. You should give it another go. Try to discribe what has actually gone on. When's the last time you saw this child? Discribe that to me, the first time you saw her/him, what your hopes were, literally. A home? Laughter? Don't just say 'I had so much hope for us', blah, blah, blah.

This is great! Anyone who wants to understand how image imparts meaning, and the emotion the poet is trying to express, should take a look at this poem. You stay right with the metaphor throughout, well done.

By the way the first two stanzas are silly at best. What on earth are you trying to say? "Satin walls of purposeful isolation"? What's that? You start of cold and then speak of a vengeful sun, that doesn't seem right.

I will fix this one shortly. i posted it here so i could see more clearly my mistakes. thanks for all who voted and commented.

Quite good. -6-

nice job.

The last line is solid but the rest is so contrived. The fourth line is complete nonsense, and if your talking about The Judgement in the sixth line then no one can hide, not from that. Also the word 'free' implies freedom which is a good thing. It be better to use a word like void, or vacant, or without etc... Also the title makes no sense whatsoever. The church is not the destroyer. The lamb is, or in this case the dove.

Ah too bad, you crap-out after line 3 in the 2nd stanza.

Errrr, tell me what you gave what you said, what you spoke, I can;t join you touch you know you or apprieciate this poem enless you give me some specifics please. Check your mis-spells.

Finely bummed. However I'd like to see something heartfelt and wonderfully meaningful from you.

God in his Heaven! And what, dare I ask, is a pedunda?

The 3rd stanza is very good. Great images, really. You need to finish the 1st line though, any what? Color? You've got to say something after 'any'. Also 'besides' in line two can be misconstrued, how about 'other than' or 'except' or 'if not for'? the last two lines need to be condensed, you've built a lovely flow of images here don't bog it down with an excess of words. Tarnished as all skin turned Angry as every dream falls empty and burns. In the last stanza you only need say "Wrong to believe" once at the beginning and then you can go down each line beginning with The Sun Anything I shouldn't The word 'that' is completely unnecessary and ugly. Do you see?

amusing, cute, amazingly beautiful (somehow you pull it off) heres an 8.

very interesting form. it took me a few to get what you'd done. actually, a few more than that, really. almost a minute or two of unrelated thoughts until it popped in (oh). as for the content. cute, mostly amusing. 8 for ingenuity and the mostly amusing.

And a fat see through scorpion Poisonous, & barbed kisses full of babies. -i had a crystal clear vision of the scorpion, and i like it.. i wish i could paint it and hang it on my wall, but im a poet because i couldnt draw worth a fuck. btw, whats a ruana? blessed with nine.

To die for

Definitely your best 10

Childish