Great title, blawzay quip. 7

Gritty.

Ten things about this poeme that make it the most bland and mediocre thing I have ever read: 1. The constant use of two thirds of an ellipsis. 2. Typographical errors. 3. Reference to an obscene sex dream. 4. Mismatched and overwrought metaphor. 5. Contains a fridge but no ham. 6. The worst possible sort of tedious self-obsession. 7. An unimaginative and frankly insensitive title. 8. Hypocritical overuse of prepositions. 9. The category is 'Free verse'. 10. You're wrong, and you're a grotesquely ugly freak. Thanks.

good this, the last verse does get a little rantish, I do like the last line, kind of forelorn I think.

like this, kind of rough, remorseless talking to the reader. like punk/ like beat.

Becoming.

Damn that's fine craftsmanship Seany boy. Guess who's at my house? My mom. Heeky noodly do. Isn't that odd? I'm finding closure. lol

I like this scene a lot. Though perhaps: where the water would rise and fall like an anchor where the water drew its drowning line. (otherwise the simile in stanza 4 can be confuddlustated, allowing the drowning line to be included into the simile thus slightly diminishing its impact)

But being materialistic is great.

Also, I am shockingly appalled by your choice of name for the protagonist. It is, according to an obscene pamphlet I distribute, one of the ten hallmarks of a truly mediocre and talentless writer to choose a special, magical, mysterious name like 'Xochiel' for their protagonist. God I want to punch you in the face when I read this.

JB, Your work is interesting. You obviously have a lot of passion and feeling. This comes across powerfully in your work. There are lines as well as ideas here that are fabulous...they fit into the context of the poems theme and flow nicely. Unfortunately there are other lines that seem to be remotely related to your theme and forced in terms of rhythm and rhyme. This cheapens your work..which has the potential to be quite good. Also I notice that most of your work has a short cadence about it. Its sometimes choppy. I'd also consider shortening this piece. But as I said, there are parts that I really liked. Joe-Joe

Just rubbish; don't write about writer's block for God's sake! To illustrate my point, I'd like to direct your attention to a comment I posted on 20 June 2003 that relates directly to the matter at hand. See: http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=56779 for more details. I find it rather telling that a comment posted months before the release of this poeme could so accurately describe the nature of its content. I'm referring, of course, to the descriptions of the room in which the talentless poete sits and the descriptions of things seen out the window. In fact, you'd be hard-pressed to find a more orthordox example of "writer's block poetry" unless you had some sort of enourmous dunce detecting instrument. Like a SPAZZ-O-TRON 2000. Thanks.

This is not clever, not funny, but anti-semitic. We don't need bullshit like this on poemranker.

Formatted correctly and done with a dash of modern - i liked it - 8 I always respect your opinions Nicholas. Also being half welsh (Pontyclon) I urge all Finnish people on poemranker to politely leave this site.

I really like the title.

The rant rated a 2, but the senryu gets 7.

It's like a really bad romance novel. Fabio=bad.

Wow! I'd never have guessed that someone was going to write a poem about 11th september today! That was completely unforseeable! Your unpredictability is to be truly praised! Who'd have thought that a poem about the desruction of the world trade centre would be posted on the exact aniversery of its occurrence? An amazing but original coincidence!

This is actually surprisingly good for a poem not written by me. The last verse gets a bit poncey, but the last line makes up for it.

aye