That was great. Well-written and descriptive. Loved the biblical allusions. Need an apostrophe in "township's rails" (6th stanza). 10

The imagry is wonderful, the passion deadly, and the verse completely beautiful. 10 from me my friend. May I aspire to your skill.

"...skill can possibly represent". Great english! You fudge packers are really a panic.. No matter how remote a subject might be from ones sexuality..you always find a way of brining it back to ones Johnson. It's really an amusing phenomenon.

HA! You're one to talk about English, child. As long as this all was such boy! "Fudge Packer?" You must be a southern fried in-breeder with an inability to conceptualize an original vocabulary. Good try though.

I like the message, but I want to say that it could be massaged a bit. I think you already have a good sense of the rhythm you want for this poem, but it seems a little...unedited maybe. I do like it, don't get me wrong, but I wanted to suggest some improvement because I think it's well deserved and would make this piece so much better. It has potential.

Interesting. I wonder if you could expand this. Or add more lines, more feeling, more examples. It seems like there is so much more to it. Pretty good though.

I'm thinking you needed to get away from the “ave” its meant for cruising. This poem... well its a bruising on the eyes. I can rhyme. Look I’m a poet and didn’t know it maybe I should publish a book. Yes my comment is as bad as the poem. *does a little dance*

Hey JB, A little choppy and disjointed but it does have some nice lines. -6- Joe-joe

Interesting the way you use a word like exfoliated recurrently in the way it should be used, but also a word that has been adopted and misused by dastardly cosmetics companies. The whole structure works until you yield to a poetic verse in the 6th part which in my opinion undermines the lyric. Otherwise this is well written and your no one trick pony my friend. 8

I'm not much of one to judge sonnets.. but it was interesting... I liked it. Paints the story quite clearly.

*laughing* I love it. 10

sounds like you need to get some new glasses ;)

Nice poem hun. I've read them all but just haven't commented or voted. I should be the dead man swinging huh?

Interesting. Almost like something I would write... maybe *shrugs*

As weak as your skill can possibly represent. But I'm sure you're used to falling short. And for once you get that insult without having your pants down.

As one of the unbelievers, I must say that Jesu did show up in my dreams, once, about 6 years ago, I believe it was the true messiah speaking to me. View my transcription of the TRUE messiah's words (as relayed to me through a dream). The poem is called "When Jesus Found Me".

My tastebuds swoon in anticipation, where to find these tasty morsels?

I think only the last line is legitimate "pimple". "...through tainted eyes" is too aware to be pimple but, that line makes for a better poem overall.

Sorry I didn't see a heart. I thought it was a female torso (...coming apart in my hands).

It's better as a single piece, of course. My only real complaint is your over-use of "ly" words. Apply that creativity to finding new adverbs! Good work.