horus8
on death by crwncka1
28 Aug 2003, 2:18 PM
I like how you made me say thar, but that was quick lived.1.
No color often is the brightest.
not sure you deserve the low marks but this kind of thing really gets up peoples noses.
has the same nice form of your other poems but....
'bright colours can never be tuned out of the mind'
where have i heard that.... halmark/johnk/a daniel bedingfield song?
Indeed, perhaps nentwined had it upside down?
Another example of a fine observation.
Was it the love perhaps? Love of death and mortality?
Or maybe tits?
knowing is insignificant.
not particularly poetic reads well as prose though lots of surprise images.
Loses it a bit with phantasmagoric though
i like. made me chuckle.. put a smile on my face.
So, just wondering, what did crystal lane swift do to inspire you to write this? did he beg to suck your cock so much that you became irritated to a point of killing him poetically? looks like it.
blessed with 8.
Let me guess... you are a lonely piece of poop look for a way back up and in. That's just brilliant 10 CHUDS FOR YOU.
like the first two lines, admittedly the first is nicked.
Set up well but flounders, why are his eyes full of puss?
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
on The Mellifluous Sound of God: Musical Eden by Don-Quixote
28 Aug 2003, 11:55 AM
Extraordinarily pretentious title, even by your dictionary-obsessed standards. Nevertheless, great use of "delivered via the ear to be absorbed by my brain" as a beautifully concise synonym for "hearing something".
"exquisite melancholy of the supernatural" / 10
reads like a bad adam sandler skit. (and I don't tend to like the good ones).
This reads like an 8th grade childs diary.
fucking 8th grade poopy! a downward spiral
good that you use only the occasional rhyme (hens and friends) better than leading this story with rhyme.
Kind of fun I think, a childrens poem
A well related story
flows nice, the pointy is clear. Pays service to a little imagery.
And your sister unable to vomit. Funny rats can't vomit either although the do feel sick if you inject them with saline.
anyway quite good
sucker
exceelent.. top marks.
Yes, I've been beat for similiar.