Real real good.

sublimely beautiful -10-

good, if you wanted to redraft it I would suggest making it a bit tighter. There are lots of nice images but there are gaps in between.

this is going to be a punchline.. ;)

Nice edit--I like how you pared it down to the essential image. Some nits? Pike are generally solitary (they're very aggressive) and they tend to hide, waiting for prey, so I don't think you would see a stream "silvered in pike." Maybe another freshwater fish--something that shoals?--would work better here. The trombone is disconnected from the rest of the poem now, without the band playing nearby [in our view]. Might something other than a trombone work here--something that works within the scene you've rendered? The devil's in the details! But that's not to take away from what is, at its core, really fine work.

Richa, I was thinking of Stanza one: silvered in pike could work but hatters has a point about the shoals. However it could work if you implied the stream was silvered by pike as the water was shallow thus - dying fish, trapped. You may be able to work with that but it may affect the brevity of the poem.

U R A poet 4 sure. Yeah- Had a stroke and paralyzed left side. I have recovered well except for some brain misfunction. I would say malfunction but it is less failure than a C- grade in my ability to find the vocabulary lost in the penumbra damaged at that moment (Deep in the right side of my thalamus). Getting better every week. The positive side is that I am occasionally satisfied with some phrase I write. I never used to be. Perhaps, that is also the negative side. I have come to believe that I am in no position to judge.

lol. Happy Birthday Horus, Happy Birthday. -10-

this is sixteen haikus. I think versed haikus are supposed to have some kind of theme running through them. A good haiku should stand up on its own. I think the first one does, it is quite good

ahh.. man thats alot of crappy birthdays.. kinda like my christmas memories with the witch.. 10.

good poem and well done for making it so far then!

You put the lime in the coconut and mix it all up!

a beautiful piece richa.. well done.

Silvered in pike Damn Damn Damn ! Kudos in abundance and you got it 9

God I'm a tight bastard this so a 10. As Jim Royle would say in a mancunian drawl '9 my arse'

You fucked me in the shower once,remember? Then you started acting all mean and distant and I went back to fucking David. Sometimes we're nothing but meat. Good story. I believe the truth is always preferable, and you're so wonderfully blatant with it. It helps me understand myself.

Not sure I get how "sexual appetite['s] bulimic" either--it binges and purges? Abstinence and surfeit? Don't see the connection, since you're in the moment. Something other than the cliched "double edged sword"? Also, not sure the religious imagery works in a poem that seems to be striving for sensuality. I like the three last lines.

Bagel (Lyric) by Mr. Rick Here I stand, on the edge of a brand new day The sun is shining, brightly leading the payed I breathe in the exhaust, and the air all around me From out of nowhere you finally found me, and we blow dryed together You’re an Bagel, Sent from the promise land You’re an bagel, Made by a Jew's rich hand You’re an bagel, How can it be, That the way I feel about you Is how you feel about me I hear the oven incinerating yeast I smell the scent of your egg, onion, and garlic breaking as the breeze The sound of your roundness calling from the ovens of yor The way my life’s changed, it’s like you waved a magic smore You’re an Bagel, Sent from up above You’re an Bagel, You’re so hot I need a glove You’re an Bagel, How can I remove, The way I feel about you now Is pure like a white dove You pick me up, I feel on top of Jerusalem I want to shout from the top of the wailing wall, that you’re my sweetest bagel halved and toasted Loxed and boasted More precious to me than diamonds and pearls in Antwerp And as the sun sets, and nite starts to call The stars are shining, and I take you to the mall Your hole reflecting, under a child's balloon You should be my wife, with cream cheese on a spoon You’re an bagel, Sent from up above You’re an bagel, So hot I need a glove You’re an bagel, How can this be, That the way I feel about you now Is only because I like to eat And as I close my ovens, and fall gently into sleep Each nite I pray to Jesu, that like me you're deep And I thank Jews, for putting you in my mouth All my dreams have come true, Like a rebel flag down south You’re an Bagel, Sent from up above You’re an Bagel, You’re the one I love You’re an Bagel, How can it really be, That just one day without you could rewrite some Jews history.

As it is written now, the blue lilac and berry plant (bush? ewww, even typing the word makes me cringe--but I digress) are, syntactically, sitting by the stream, so, yup, needs some work there. Maybe get rid of "hid" for starters, so it's sitting by the silvered stream of mackeral and pike (lotta fish in that thar stream--btw, it's mackerel, with an e, and I think they're salt water fish) [and]picking from the still air . . . . . . fields the blue lilac and berry (maybe make it a specific type of berry and lose plant altogether?) [lose "hid?" After all, you can see them, right?] under the trees could be seen to crane . . . Something like that? Or not. Not sure I get "put" their life and mine in this context--or, at least, not sure "put" delivers here.

Did we? At your house? I've never been good with sex really. Probably, the prostitution thing, all that guilt short circuiting my chakras.