You've improved a lot.

H29B HORUS8. WICKED POEM !

They say living well is the best revenge. Today is your day bro. Tonight is your night bro. Happy 29!!

Nice, that actually took me a second to get. -8- Just because I ended up laughing without really getting it until I read it a second time.

I am your patron saint. I absolve you.

lol. Hopefully tomorrow you aren't its ashes. -10-

Needed more comparison to a king in his throne for the last line to have worked for me. -8-

hey this is good! x

You have taken a startingly unoriginal theme and made a respectable effort to integrate some originality. 2nd line of S2 was good. 6

You have a talent for sucking at many things. But it did make me laugh and spit my Coke on to the screen.

first two verses are your best yet the rest sounds a bit of a lecture though

What a great idea for a poem. This reminded me of a twisted version of the yuletide 'On the first day of Xmas my truelove said to me. Quite moving and funny, one of those reads that make one feel guilty. I can relate to the paternal ignorance here. I'm loving your stuff of late.10 (No rows today Mr H) - Happy Birthday 9

S2L1 typo - practically. Otherwise virtuoso in every regard.

like the first verse, if this is a first draft I guess you could shorten it a bit. Second verse is my favourite, the mention of bulimc in the third I am not sure about. The last three lines really tail off well

I am always amazed at all the sad poems on here that employ nursery rhyme verse.

Is this a Joke?

If anyone wants to make a helpful comment how about making the change of emphasis from I to the lilac in the middle a bit more seemless thanks.

mmm sounds just like england too. As for the poem it sounds a bit like a political speech. And you can not get more hypocritical than them. good though

As a committed Christian, I found this piece to be rather lewd and distasteful.

No.