INTRANSIT
on Colgate & Paper towels by Bachus
27 Jul 2003, 9:57 AM
Bangin' on the belt.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
27 Jul 2003, 11:10 AM
yea u r whining like a lil bitch, but ur other writing i like :), u should read this girls writing it's very good -> MaliqaTara, she doesn't write any cuz she hates the ppl here but it's very deep, also -> d35 is nice, <8>
You lose your rythmn in the last two stanzas, also bringing up the word rape is unneccessary and detracts from the sweetness of the piece. Leave it out, we all know what your capable of, and your saying it never entered your mind and mentioning it is a huge contradication. It had to have entered your mind even in the form of thinking you could never do such a thing. The poem relies on it, even for the audience, it enters our minds the minute we understand she's passed out.
The Orkin man's Dna will long be gone before "Mamaroach" finishes her crouton.
Don't he know what spraying poisen can do
To him, to us, to me and you?
Silly contract killers.
Dan garcia-Black "Son of Roachmama"
... This is sure a mature piece.. wow.. impressive.. *fart* excuse my flatulence.. blessed with 5.
... what the fuck is the point of this poem? i feel like a crack addict thats been cheated.. here, lets re title this damned piece of shit to "Dildo". THEN, atleast it would be FUNNY. Blessed with 4.
... ok, nice point.. but wheres the fucking poetry? I could of gotten the same amount of pleasure reading other clones from atheism.com or something..
yes it is a sweet poem, the imagery is there and i enjoyed reading it ->9
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
27 Jul 2003, 10:48 AM
hmmm...nice this is rather new so i think i like it more then i thought i would, i'll give it a 10 p&L
A good point well made, Druid_Girl_1984. I can't think of a better way of showing that you don't care about something than by writing a massive poeme about it and posting it on a public poetry forum. Keep up the excellence!
SupremeDreamer
on Poemranker's Recent Infestation of Teenage Girls by 68.75.19.117
27 Jul 2003, 11:05 AM
cmon, who left the damned bar of soap.. ;/
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
27 Jul 2003, 11:14 AM
i like this, the structure is interesting, j/w but how r u writing this to? it would help me to understand a lil better but i like it so ->10<-
Sorry, I was a little un-sober during my last comment. Not always a good thing. I particularly liked the just above freezing temp. Choosing to keep things "fluid". If only punching grandfather clocks would do the trick, eh?
You have an eye for what matters, now can you possibly make these lines sing? Too prosy, too conversational.
Nice
I want to be tricked :/
Well done.