Yes!

why pretzel?

Yep, I'd like to hear the music to this.

pretty, so pretty.

"There where no pretenses made here" were, Bugger'd. I wont even bother fixing your attempt at spelling 'rhyme'. I can only wonder if god had the same idea when he put you here.

"by that no hoper horus8" I also feel this line would have a more lasting effect if 'no hoper' was 'sloper'. What do you think?

Let me say this, first off, to both of you, TPBOD & Stephanie. I am not on heroin or "herion" (Which the stuffed animal so gracefully put it [what an idiot, if you're going to insult someone 'right' please learn how to spell the drug, or action that you are skepticising about in general or privately]) if I was, I wouldn't be taking the time currently to correct your pathetic facination with either or (me, or people on drugs). Although, let me assure you, they would be more interesting, toothless, than either of you. Stephanie, you might consider my poetry awful, but my son doesn't, my friends don't, nor do thousands of other people. The huge number of self educatedly overlooked lovely survivors on this planet. My life is poetry and music, with or without you in it, get use to it, you'll quit long before I do, and five years from now when I'm 33 and peaking creatively, you'll be the first assholes to run around bragging about how we bonded way back when... Why? Really, think about that. You think that you have some sort of basis with your insults? If they were good, I'd concure, but really, this is barely funny or interesting. It's vague, and more revealing about the writer than me by football fields (LOLTTM) But, I don't have any qualms with either of you, and I wish you 'both' the best in life, and your search for yourselves, God, faggotry, niggers, chisels, monkeys, hockey pucks, Donald duck, Seared Ahi, cockrings, or dolphin free tuna, but you should really learn how to find closure, are talents are completely different as with our approach to our crafts (In your cases Kraft Macaroni and cheese scrawlings, since it's the 'cheesiest'). In the end it could save your lifes, or our eyes, or at least what you consider to be an attempt at writing... You being such plaidly posh, yet savy cads. Rest in knowing Horus8 will make a much more considerable offering artisticly to this planet spiritually, mentally, and physically whether you exist, or not. So I suggest you jerk off, find a good seat, and eat a hot pocket, or try a little heroin yourselves, at this point in time, as far as the both of your attempts at poetry go... It couldn't hurt.

"While Time and Death were did a slow waltz with you" What the fuck does that mean?

Typo, line two. "Thank you". Otherwise an 8.

Must... Release...Sperm... Must... ma..

I liked this poem, cept "survivalling".. its just strange.. 9

are you going to make an mp3 out of this? id love to hear it. 10

hrmm... that vegetarian line sounds out of place for some reason...

i know exactly what you need. take it waaay back, and treat yourself to a little "pretty hate machine" , extra loud! you'll thank me in the morning!!1

i want more bounce in this nonsensey-like rhymer! (oh, i am such a whiner!) good star, but take it all the way, BZB.

profane... did you want 'chords', to give it more blood? maybe "laid" instead of "lain" good work, here, but not user-friendly. then again, does it need to be?

first verse--fuck. rest, v.g.: 9, for the future.

Chilled to perfection, like a jello shot. ? Somehow I have yet to vote on this, so I'm gonna bump it up, and bring down my own poem which is currently at #1. Wait, let me enjoy this for a moment longer. I'm swinging straight up at the top, up where the air is fresh and clean ....yeah. Okay here goes.

As for the poem, it's misspelled and ungrammatical.

let me know when you post the mp3, okay>?