8 take it or leave it Mister

Some good stuff in here, i especially like the last verse. Perhaps needs tightening a bit it becomes a bit prosaic in the middle

Give this a better title.

I don't get the paranthetical? I understand the nobilitty of grace.

Eggggcellent!!! You're one angry young cunt, and I mean that witht the highest respect. Awareness is key, says my brother. Out-doing pain?! Wow another two-fisted thought. Thanks for the ammo.

Everyone must see Thrace and its mountains, its interesting as Thrace has connotations with Bacchus and this site has a Bachus. I hope people read AND study this poem its quite a unique poem identifying with heritage and a yearning for reason of who we are and of the affect of our origins and chosen home lands. From A Website on Thrace and its history and I must say absolutely fascinating. Threcian scenery ranges from picturesque mountain villages to crystal clean sandy beaches -- that have all been awarded with the EEC flag -- and lakes with ducks and swans in them. It is said that in Thrace, every step is a journey and visitors realize that since the first time they put their foot on this really Great Land. My dear boy this deserves to be read. 9

Sexy. Well written. Trying changing 'dead-end hall' to just dead hall. That penultimate couplet's a killer. I like this fish, she's my kind.

Looks like a boyscout tragedy. Be prepared. Yeah, but nobody can prepare you for the 45 degree angle, legs spread above your head, vacuum cleaner with the thin pipe attachment suck.

Get rid of the future it detracts. Is that really what you would dream of, or would you dream of Gods & Monsters, some new efficient way of killing, getting off?

the first stanza is not nearly as well constructed as the rest, but once it gets going in the second it does not let up. Great images, what a brilliantly sexual and romantic language. I also want you to know that last line is far-reaching genius. Glad you came up with it. Bravo.

So you can all rest safe knowing. http://gangbox.com/mp3/i%20gotta%20girl.mp3

Brill, here's a pavarotti for ya.

I like it quite despairing

zippy piece I'm glad you get the story across without too many references It'd just make me feel ignorant

"She frogs when I'm all toady" what a fuckin' great line. I'm not sure what it means, but that's ok. this is one sublimely angry poem. Your one hot sister.

abortion is in the air today

I do wish the term 'bum' was used to refer to rogue gypsys who drink too much dry cider.

never know how to write song lyrics This is a good stab perhaps an incendiary line or too to spice it up?

I got it. Today, after too little sleep and a cup of coffee and a hit of the remedy, I got it, and it was crazy and beautiful to see.

menacing use of language!