Bachus
on My Dark Power by The Martyr
10 May 2003, 11:36 AM
That makes the two of us.
For Palestine West Virginia's favoutite vagina Laci Peterson.
At least this had a point, and I can dig that, but your others fucking suck. 7.
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
on The band "Sigh" aced their MENSA tests by Jeremi B. Handrinos
10 May 2003, 10:23 PM
stfu man, sigh own your face
Hmmmm... A little melodramatic and defiantly not worthy of a darwin awarde. Try being either steping out of the norm, in how you kill yourself or describe it in a very detailed account till either the point of; last dying breath, lost strengh to continue writing, or shortly after regret for taking your life has just begun(anything longer than 3 lines there tends to get old). I prefer an odd way to die mixed with lose of ablitity to write further. -3-
How can you not fit into a crowd somewhere? Sure I can beleive the heart breaker and the trendsetter bit, I mean most people aren't. I think your pushing your feelings of alienation into a hyperbole. A big one. Plus by standing not Its the people that don't set trends or have "real friends" that end up being talked about, just not in front of their face, cause that wouldn't be nice. Your not really saying anything special here that hasn't been said a thousand times in a better way with more depth and detail. I'm a big fan of lyrics but these aren't that grand. -4-
''a homerun of shit'' is some of what you said to me and i am tired of your bullshit bachus I may not be as good of a writer or maybe not even half of a good writer that you may be but i am damn well certain of one thing, i dont like to be told that my poems are shit i would rather have it in a ranking rather than in words. I came to poemranker because i thought 'hey since im ONLY 12 and have nothing better to do why not enter my poems for rankings?' But as it turns out i would be hated by many so called poem wrietrs such as yourself. I try to deal with it, but since my in-matureness seems to control everything i am going to handle it the way i see fit. I would normally just cuss you out like any other normail 12 year old kid but i am not going to stoop to your level of using mean comments.(maybe i will) As your title says, the boy who shot birds, I wish it had been the birds who shot boys. You deserve every bit of what i am very pathetically trying to tell you. I think you are shit for telling me that and if i may say it just once more: My poems i like to call them my art. I call them that because thats what i want to call them dammit! My opinion has no sense of appeal to you anyway so i am going to wrap this up with a simple goodbye and if you ever think of writing comments like that on my poems i would think twice because if you think 3 of my poems are worth shit then there is no ned for you toread nay other of my poems! goodbye for now my poor soul
this is ok
gently amusing without recourse to the usual 'funny' issues written about on here
possibly needs to be shorter
I feel like i've been commandeered to listen to someone tell me their broken heart story when i want to watch the football
A few cute little references though, i'm sure if i read again i'll find a few more
sums up the sorites paradox well
better than some text book blather
If you rewrote this as a homoerotic seafaring epic it would be the best thing ever.
A mouth full of after-birth.
Good grief Charlie Brown.
"As the fiesta draws nearer, I sit in axious wait"
Anxious typo.
"rabbits" should be singular.
"promised land" should be present tense. 'promise'
End your stanzas with periods.
Who cares about the sentences.
Use more commas, just a few before 'ands'.
Remove your last stanza, it's ridiculous.
Other then that, nice poem.
I'd give it an eight now nine later.
ok... I reccomend this person follow the trends. Yep.. even if rock aint trendy, (actually, a lot is now even thought it's mindless kids who think they know all this shit about rock which they dont) you can still like it, just be accepting to the "in" crowd's ways. It's really not hard to change a little bit if you keep a positive attitude. Its not worth hating yourself or hating other people for something you can completely control if you want to. Sometimes life feels like you're changing for the wrong reason, but in the end it actually turns out to be the right reasons. THE END. just some advice for people who have this problem expressed in your little lyrical formation you've created here. ADIOS!
consider these as replacing your last lines with(walls within, hidden behind my thick skin) -9-
Well, it's different. That's for sure. I enjoyed it.
Haha yeah
A woman after my own heart -9-