Lord Ganus
on Karma by blankel
12 Apr 2003, 9:29 PM
PPPPPPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRICK!
you poor sick child. drink up the tea and retire, do.
If you changed the title to Maternalizing Eve, i'd die. have a ninesky, are you departing somewhere?
Take me with you.
San Fransisco. Where the flowers bloom in spring.
I'm wiping a way a tear as we speak... 9
Hmmm, after the last three this is a let down, Yardbird, and I'm dissapointed.
What's got two legs and bleeds profusely?
Half a dog.
-7-
That is an excellent poem.A vey good read.Your name seems familiar.Are you a member of poet sanctuary or voicesnet? Take care
Hello.Cryptic yet interesting nonetheless.I love your name!LOL Look!it's a little pink bunny!I've never seen one that color before....OMIGAWD!IT'S A BRINGER OF DOOM!
Take care
Some will love it as I do and a few will hate it but who can deny its beautiful? 9
My Dear Rich,
I have pasted 3 stanzas of interest to me where I think the poems strength lays. I need to know inherently more about the relationship. This reads like a showpiece of writing more than the emotionally charged insight I want. I dont want to come across like Lecter intimidating Clarisse, but fine writing and sentiment is the hardest thing to combine for personal satisfaction and reader satisfaction, its the marrying of the 2 I want you to do with this. The next moment you feel these emotions I want you to relinquish the laws of poetry and write one from the heart, read it aloud (I bet you do that dont you) and be honest with yourself about it affect it has on you. Poetry must (I believe) release the writer from the subject he is writing about. If one is honest about my work I would say there are much better traditionalist writer than me around true to the laws of poetry, I always feel a connection with your work - empathy, your uniqueness is empathy and clarity.
I just want you to write this honestly, it shut me out, the language is wonderful in places just tell me about the inherent love and relationship, the conclusion, the beauty the madness the essance of you and your mother, this is your story, your testanment and immortalization of your dear Mother.
There are only a few writers I will trust with my e-mail address I will give it to you shortly, if you ever need anything my dear boy you are most welcome
Pain liquified,
coursing through your body.
The secondary killer.First time crashed
second time failed
Suggestions unheeded.
Love neverending,
love pushed aside.
A deeper bond is born
Love neverending,
love pushed aside.
A deeper bond is born
Persona left behind,
thoughts carried with.
I can feel you inspiring
me.
These are the stanzas I love. Oh God I feel drunk as a Somersetian wasp.
Vilanelles would have to be French there so bloody complicated in my opinion. I am inexperienced with this genre of writing but know the basic laws to them. The subject matter is too teen angst but this may make a good lyric. I would have liked to have seen 'broken hearts DONT mend, it would have obliterated the obvious cliche. However my darling don't despair all this needs is a few drafts and touches of creative glitter and originality and you'll have it sparkling like the star you are.
Thank you so very much for your time in commenting on my work, I love you all the same on this site, it has been my pleasure meeting you.
Goodbye. 6
Frightfully apt, reminds me of Horus8 poem on the Ebola virus. Good chap for keeping it short but effective, unpretentious and attention grabbing 7
My dear chap lose this, its just not dandy.
i hate it that every time i need you,you are not there
only you can make it right
but it's only who always starts the fight
i hate the way i love you
and that to myself i can't even be true
Try this as a lyric, make it effective, show your vitriol and keep us all engaged.
Hope you dont mind but I will vote later when you maybe have edited it.
Cheerio for now.
hella lot that's hew motch
cleverdevice
on Okay, so it doesn't actually work, it's still shit-funny... by Yardbird
12 Apr 2003, 12:49 PM
It gets better and better, it should be an 11, but I shall just have to vote 10, and then 1.
Hmmm, I'm seeing influence of Simon and Garfunkel...
'People talking without speaking, people listening without hearing'
Sound od Silence.
Risky, and plush.
hilarious, makes me want to go and bottle up some guarana of my own. Except the last Guaranian passed away late yesterday.