Disturbing. Well done but extremly disturbing -7-

Eat less junk food.

I had pet Mormons over the summer. They were adorable like Golden Retrievers. I taught them about Discordia and S&M. They left as better people.

Stick to the first story, I was so interested. Is it really "bed" be more honest, direct, about this prison. Forget the pheonix, too out-of-context for this fairy-tale. L12-13 is gorgeous. Think about that, follow through. Never, ever speak of yourself in the 3rd person. Well that's an exaggeration, but it usually comes accross as pompous. Hers was not an apple. Hers was a jetplane. A 21st century Icarus. Wanting to fly Out of the spell. Breaking tower glass. Escaping labyrinths. She day-dreamed a Prince, spinning Her hair into a golden ladder Climbing past her needy mother. Swinging the windows open. I attempted a rescue, but the thorns The thorns got her first, and after all, I still had a kingdom to manage. Me and my stallion rode away and left her to stamp and throw rampion... You've got to carry through with this story. It's ok you started with Icarus but stay Rapunzel, if you know what I mean. Are you a knowledgeable musician? Do you improvise? It's the same here. You must listen for what sounds right. Sometimes the words don't make sense but the rythmns and the vowels are make up the melody, then the words comes. Just keep doing it. Set high standards for yourself and read, every spare moment. I see promise here.

I would argue the best thing about this poem is the word 'worman' the rest, with title, is pure odium, and stinted, but kind of funny.

What War???

The sun is a masculine entity. The moon feminine. Ruby's masculine. Emeralds feminine. To call the sun a she is practically counter effective. Like calling your mother 'dad' after shaving off her pubic hair and gluing it to her face.

http://www.mnftiu.cc/mnftiu.cc/war.html 2, 2, 2 requests in 1!!!!

well. fuuny, and yet not so. sure. go ahead. but talk to h about crotching some yogurt.

I smoked the grass on the otherside and it was bedder doo.

You should have that looked into smiley. You might wkae up only to find that dream of falling off a cliff to be true -9-.

I think the line that stands out the most for me is "Now I stand by your grave that faces the sun," great poem cadacus -10-

Fuck, how do you do that? I love this thing. 100

athena! athena! let down thy buns! hahahah! nice.

I would if I could but I'm broke and The doc says that my insurance only covers me so long as I never use it so sorry.

fuckity fuck!

you should have bought the sony

so completely stupid that it gets an 8

piss poor, I suggest you pull the trigger.

this is almost there. the last 5 lines are still a bit awkward, but this is crisper and cleaner, and more touchable than ever before.