Re: My Fart Is Eternally Yours (Free Sniff) By Yo-Yo by DreamerSupreme	Blind Fart 195.194.75.209	7-Dec-06/8:36 AM
Quite nice, but not too much about the joys of farting.
Re: My Fart Is Eternally Yours (Free Sniff) By Yo-Yo by DreamerSupreme	Blind Fart 195.194.75.209	7-Dec-06/8:36 AM
Quite nice, but not too much about the joys of farting.
regarding some deleted poem...	Blind Fart 195.194.75.209	7-Dec-06/8:38 AM
This would get a 10 except that you fucking can't spell "tongue".
Re: Edna's Video Library by Edna Sweetlove	Blind Fart 195.194.75.209	7-Dec-06/8:40 AM
Jolly nice. I have seen several of these.
Re: Edna's Video Library by Edna Sweetlove	Nicholas Jones 81.154.134.97	7-Dec-06/2:51 PM
Is this supposed to be funny or clever? And you actually went to the trouble of writing it? This I guess is effective as pretty makes me despair of the whole human race, and suggests that if we were all wiped out in a nuclear holocaust it wouldn't actually matter; in fact, it would be a good thing because this poem and its shitty pseudo-post-modern 'ooh look at me I know some dirty words' stunted aesthetics would be destroyed for ever.
Re: The Mountain by Nicholas Jones	Ranger 62.252.32.15	8-Dec-06/4:57 AM
You must have known that anonymous turd was inevitable. But hey. This is great, although 'around' (line 1) probably sounds better as just 'round', and 'I believed that you were actually dying' fucking creeps me out. It moves really well, really quickly, and the last line is a killer.
Re: Self Portrait by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	8-Dec-06/5:00 AM
Too many uses of 'his' in the first two lines for my liking - change it to '...dips a brush'. Not sure about a contemplative hat, but I do like the rest. 'Clad in kindness/optimistic likeness' is a really good bit of wordplay there.
Re: I want to press my fingertips by bwaha	Ranger 62.252.32.15	8-Dec-06/5:02 AM
Nice. Reminds me a bit of "i like my body when it is with your body".
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 62.252.32.15	8-Dec-06/5:07 AM
Being a Tolkein geek I have to love this, although I wonder how it would work if you set it out simply as prose. Personal preferences would be to for 'the child of myself', and if you could find something other than 'washed' (overused, in my opinion). 'I stood on the parapets of man' is wonderful and the ending carries a message that will never get old.
Re: The life of a clerk by Schlinkey	Ranger 62.252.32.15	8-Dec-06/5:10 AM
I like the idea, but it's overdone in a few places; toning down the language here and there would work well for me. Also, you keep a strict pentameter as far as I can see, but the metre's messy - it's mostly where the 'big words' come in, but you can also get away with varying the syllable count now and then to play with the metre.
Re: Prayer by amanda_dcosta	Ranger 62.252.32.15	8-Dec-06/5:14 AM
I'm tempted to suggest adding rhymes to this - it needs to move a little more easily.
Re: Particle Deceleration by MacFrantic	Ranger 62.252.32.15	8-Dec-06/5:15 AM
Well, I think this is marvellous to read but if you want me to find any meanings below the surface it'll have to wait awhile.
Re: Dammit by Cha no Onna	bwaha 216.162.88.130	8-Dec-06/5:51 AM
cute
Re: Prayer by amanda_dcosta	some deleted user 64.140.228.119	8-Dec-06/5:51 AM
This is a nice post Amanda. What appeals to me most is the way you break your lines--something I have trouble with--keep up the good work.
Re: Ramblings of a Clerk by Schlinkey	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	8-Dec-06/8:44 AM
Turgid, dry and ultimately disappointing.
Re: Self Portrait by Dovina	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	8-Dec-06/8:44 AM
Tired, sweaty and rather desperate.
regarding some deleted poem...	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	8-Dec-06/8:45 AM
Ecellent, not magnificent use of the wrod "prodding"
Re: Instruction by Dovina	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	8-Dec-06/8:48 AM
Wooly and ultimately a bit of a failure. Shame it semmed infused with the portents of excellence, only to leave one slightly stained.
Re: She dreams by amanda_dcosta	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	8-Dec-06/8:57 AM
Like a big bowl of cornflakes.
Re: The life of a clerk by Schlinkey	Dovina 208.127.72.72	9-Dec-06/6:18 AM
"but 'ware" could be "beware" I think. Some repetition of ideas and a few too many words, like "always" in Line 2. "Fear not the scarecrow" is good.