Re: She dreams by amanda_dcosta	Dovina 70.38.78.229	24-Nov-06/9:30 AM
It has a nice rhythm and a wistful playfulness. "the world without a doubt, as she" could lose "as she" "love unfolds" "of oaks and pine and firs growing tall" seems off rhytrhm. "pines" for consistency. "skip to its tune" is off-grammar, but "skipping" would be off-rhythm.
Re: Disposal and Liberation by MacFrantic	Dovina 70.38.78.229	24-Nov-06/9:39 AM
I've been there and had a similar thought. It's not badly stated.
Re: Celebrity by horus8	SupremeDreamer 24.23.240.180	24-Nov-06/11:32 AM
Here here! Indeed. May want to check some spelling & grammar, but that aside, it makes me shiver with fear and orgasm.
Re: She dreams by amanda_dcosta	Ranger 62.252.32.15	25-Nov-06/1:59 PM
Excellent except for 'of oaks and pines and firs growing tall' - rhythm's out and I'd rather see another way of describing them rather than as being tall. But this is one of your best, without a doubt.
Re: Instruction by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	25-Nov-06/2:02 PM
'I'd rather do those things/when future world was kind' - tense consistency? Other than that, this is grand. You should live the Ray Mears life.
Re: In sickness and in health by Schlinkey	Ranger 62.252.32.15	25-Nov-06/2:03 PM
Good villanelle.
Re: Sonnet 1 (Nevermore - The last sonnet) by Schlinkey	Ranger 62.252.32.15	25-Nov-06/2:05 PM
The double rhyme of spoiled and soiled is distracting, the rest is very readable.
Re: Take that thing off your head by lukehanney	Nicholas Jones 81.154.134.38	25-Nov-06/3:05 PM
Hello there Luke, my old nemesis, back with a transparently racist and unpleasant poem. Unless it is actually a subtle piece of satire aimed at the current unfathomable media obsession with Muslim women wearing veils.
Re: Wish I was a better lover by Prince of Void	Dovina 12.72.34.35	25-Nov-06/7:35 PM
Without my current glass of wine, I’d say you’re spouting nonsense. As it is, I could meet you for a drink or two in JJ’s dimlit bar, and know exactly what you mean. A lover, after is said, and after all that Stephen Robins says, is meeting over wine and seeing eye to eye.
Re: Sonnet 1 (Nevermore - The last sonnet) by Schlinkey	Dovina 12.72.34.35	25-Nov-06/7:46 PM
The world of rhymes is not “naught but jumbled chance.” Poe would not have said so, nor would his raven, Nevermore. Only this poem would and is.
Re: Swollen Tongue by MacFrantic	Dovina 12.72.34.35	25-Nov-06/7:49 PM
I thought it was 1,764. Yes, I'm sure of it. And you will sleep again.
Re: She dreams by amanda_dcosta	some deleted user 64.140.228.224	26-Nov-06/4:09 AM
Very well done Amanda--a refreshing change from some of the stuff thats been posted lately--keep up the good work.
Re: Instruction by Dovina	some deleted user 64.140.228.224	26-Nov-06/4:17 AM
Well done Dovina--holds its own with some of your best. It's nice to read some decent stuff for a change.
Re: Instruction by Dovina	pete 62.56.84.185	26-Nov-06/5:49 PM
"were future world so kind" perhaps? :).....aaahh i see, a sense-timing paradox thing ... nice
Re: Journey To The Centre Of The Loom by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Dovina 12.72.37.46	26-Nov-06/6:04 PM
Mystically sullen. Kudos for complicity.
Re: Raising the nap by howl	Dovina 12.72.37.46	26-Nov-06/6:12 PM
"pushes it forward" in the first verse tells me to stop reading. The idea isn't bad, but too many words and discontinuous thought.
regarding some deleted poem...	howl 81.179.116.59	27-Nov-06/2:08 AM
The second verse is good. The last four lines of the first verse are a bit muddled. I can't really make out what is happening.
Re: Sonnet 2 (Eulogy for a clerk) by Schlinkey	howl 81.179.116.59	27-Nov-06/2:12 AM
Like the curate's egg. I don't like 'Your scornful view on things is far too grim;'.
Re: Goldmunds Slut Fiasco v.2 [Revised] by Y2kSlamPoet	Prince of Void 213.207.253.13	27-Nov-06/10:37 AM
it's good ..and keep going on this way ..don't trun it into other ways
Re: Sonnet 2 (Eulogy for a clerk) by Schlinkey	Ranger 62.252.32.15	27-Nov-06/1:57 PM
Another very readable sonnet, although again I'm unconvinced by the initial internal rhyming - it sets up an expectation that isn't carried through. It needs punctuation after each quote in order to satisfy the grammar nazi, and over here 'clerk' is pronounced 'clark' which screws up your final rhyme, but that's not really an issue. 'Almond eyes' is really good, conjures up cyanide connotations (works well with the death), and the last two lines are well worked.