Re: Journey To The Centre Of The Loom by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Ranger 62.252.32.15	27-Nov-06/2:16 PM
I eagerly await 'Around the Loom in Eighty Days'
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 62.252.32.15	27-Nov-06/2:19 PM
At the present moment in time, the poem up the ladder is called 'Wish I was a better lover'. It seems appropriate, somehow.
Re: Raising the nap by howl	Ranger 62.252.32.15	27-Nov-06/2:23 PM
'Slow as the creep of soil' is a really nice image. Does 'teas' want an apostrophe?
Re: Sonnet 3 (Farewell my muse) by Schlinkey	Ranger 62.252.32.15	27-Nov-06/2:26 PM
I'd cut a few of the commas and replace them with alternative punctuation - purely for presentation. Other than that I enjoyed this, although I rarely like seeing the dummy auxiliary 'do' used, even in a classical style. If it's possible to edit that out, it might be worthwhile.
Re: Sonnet 3 (Farewell my muse) by Schlinkey	Dovina 70.38.78.229	27-Nov-06/2:50 PM
I agree with Ranger on the "do"s. I think you could make both of them "shall". The rhythm is good in all but Line 13. Try "And as this quarrel now ends, my tears shall run."
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 70.38.78.229	27-Nov-06/2:53 PM
Would work better with a cyclical tone of peak and trough. Also the logic and grammar are off in some places. A good idea though.
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 67.23.11.148	28-Nov-06/8:30 PM
the only things I'm iffy about are the word 'punchlineless' and the line 'see me toke what we've rolled despite absences high'. Other than that, I like it a lot, esp. the 1st two lines.
Re: Wretch by MacFrantic	Dovina 70.38.78.229	28-Nov-06/8:47 PM
Pretty neat, making all the lines of the same number of characters. And it has a good point to boot. Nice.
Re: OI! The Brown Flame by SupremeDreamer	SupremeDreamer 75.35.231.137	29-Nov-06/10:53 AM
Boredome and Ignorance. Alas I'm held captive.
Re: The Beach by Evening	MacFrantic 129.82.152.91	30-Nov-06/12:41 PM
This has some good imagery, but the punctuation was lazy and it sounds like it should be shorter.
Re: sleep by nentwined	Dovina 12.72.36.162	30-Nov-06/9:16 PM
good point
regarding some deleted poem...	Stephen Robins 89.241.248.169	1-Dec-06/3:39 PM
Truly reckless.
Re: sleep by nentwined	Stephen Robins 89.241.248.169	1-Dec-06/3:40 PM
What utter nonsense, if you didn't own this site you would not get half the tens you get. That is utter bum sweat.
Re: Wretch by MacFrantic	Stephen Robins 89.241.248.169	1-Dec-06/3:41 PM
Yopu either need to masturbate into a woman or get trapped in one, either way this is utter village .
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 12.72.36.24	1-Dec-06/7:43 PM
Not at all reckless, but obviously thought through. It comes accross vaguely, as if told by someone who works in morgue. But would not such a person know which bodies are in the morgue before entering? And how does the narrator know so much about the girl, or is it all inferred from the body's appearance? A good read in any case.
Re: Sonnet 2 (Eulogy for a clerk) by Schlinkey	Dovina 12.72.36.24	1-Dec-06/8:07 PM
Sonnets don't have to be pentameter, not in modern circles anyway. But when you start that way and switch to four iambs in the last two lines, it sounds like a switch of gears. Also, in Line 3, scornful and grim are so similar that it sounds like one of them was added for pentameter's sake.
Re: Sonnet 5 (The Second Deluge) by Schlinkey	Dovina 70.38.78.229	2-Dec-06/10:16 AM
You have the pentameter consistent this time. And it has the feel of old-time sonnets. But, again I find it constrained to the meter, and this time to the loss of meaning. For example, "perfect" adds little to "innocece" besides pentameter and overstatement. And "Deluge" has the accent on "uge." I could do no better with it, however, and think the best solution might be to give up on pentameter or on sonnet. Sorry, I have little respect for the form, and that's part of the problem.
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Dec-06/2:09 PM
When did jackets ever rhyme with cunt? Get rid of the jackets, keep the cunt. I'd imagine you went to great lengths to avoid becoming an accountant.
Re: OI! The Brown Flame by SupremeDreamer	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Dec-06/2:13 PM
You need an extra exclamation mark in line 5.
Re: Bitter by Ranger	amanda_dcosta 61.17.22.206	3-Dec-06/1:45 AM
Ranger... this is just too good. I read it a couple of times..but never got down to commenting. Sorry for the delay. Keep writing. You do a very good job at it.