TanHand
on Iterated Fuck by nentwined
18 Feb 2003, 9:45 PM
How dare you use that language on poemranker. 7.
It's missing your boss and a pawn shop.
Very good
was i expecting the magna carta? no.
Best thing you've written in 6 months, and people wonder why i tear the shit out of pseudo poetry? obviously because it's the opposite of this... GQT AWARDE! 10
The last one is excellent, but the other two don't seem as great, m'dear. Possibly because they don't really let people figure out what they're about as well as the others do.
Are you sure it was tea? O.O
The villanelle, what a lovely form, and so wittily used. Is Atlantic city a good place to end up ensnowed? I have no idea.
I couldn't have written this love poem for a cabbage, well done I bet you were knackered after. Its not something i can offer contructive criticism on (as you begged for in the suggestions page) as its non serious. However you found originality with this so.....8
By the way you have had more comments from people from what you have commented on
scitz this could be quite good but you've got far too many words tumbling around in this sack. this needs a bit of meter to bounce the reader on through. smooth it out a bit, and it will be lovely.
(for help with meter, see:
http://www.uni.edu/english/craft/line&am
oh shit!!!!
razor, razor, razor! you have outdone yourself.
thanks for making my morning!
I say Sir, one may say this is an intersting read but the profane manner in which our most personal anatomical parts are described is awful, please stop watching hotel porn, My offer is a 5 marks lost on degrading penis
travel the world with me Z, with a stopover in the elvis drive through Vegas, I'll pay for the Howard Johnson's and motel6 and you pay for the fuel, I know how to treat rock chix, this is ice ..8
I like the poem, but the fact is bad people,ie psycopaths have no conscience to haunt them.
shit. i'll say. wow. that's a departure for you. a relase. or two. or 3. yessir. yes indeedy. needy.
i just wished you had eased me into it more with some foreplay, instead of thrusting deftly from the outset.
I didn't like the rhythm in the last line of s1-5,7.
but the rest I loved. 9.
just posted a poem that was (sort of) an attempt to diverge from "my style" (and sort of just a needed, erm, release).
nice try, but you fail.
miserably may i add.
watch
Look at me a fucking hack
a steaming mound of poo
i can't see or turn back
because i'm sniffing glue
and i know i'm absurd
for dicking with the pope
it's just the way i praise the word
when i can barely cope
with the shit i read all day
how can one survive
i need a whip to properly flay
i hate being alive
Can you fucking blame me?
You were serving cold tea.
First stanza Blind should = Blinded.
Why is this addressed to Virginians? I grew up in Northern Virginia and I have no idea what you're talking about.
But the stench, hon.
Sweetheart, sweetheart, sweetheart. Th'art a very sick child. One of the better crops, indeed.