Caducus
on some deleted poem
31 Jan 2003, 3:22 AM
Polished *8*
This is without a doubt the most appalling piece of crap I've seen on this site since... since...
Well, since Tuesday, I guess. No, more like Wednesday.
Thanx for the comment on my poem(or my version of what i consider poetry)I erased your comment accidently before replying. I appreciate any feedback good or bad.
Liked it, has promise....
Everyone including me says crimson lips, shall we think of more original ones, help me out here I came up with....claret, but theres not enough alternatives for red when you think about it
Yes, very good! It's not really the heroes that are heroes, but the people with disabilities who are heroes. Because their heroism isn't in the finger that pulls the trigger, or the foot that kicks someone in the groin, or the entire body that flies an F-19 stealth fighter straight into someone's face. It's in their hearts. It's in their souls. And it's in their hideously contorted facial expressions. Besides, I doubt most of them are even capable of pulling a trigger, let alone comprehending what the strange metallic object they hold in their hands is actually for. 10/10!
The Devil man said it all really. This is the best one i've read of yours its got a bit of imagery and reads quite well, by no means the finished article, was this written spontaneously? if so a re-write may be difficult without those emotions -7-
Quite emmotional, I appreciate all that you conveyed in it..
I quite like "Your face is gently bathed
in the moons flourescent beams,
and shows no indication
of the content of your dreams."
But you lost me with the awkwardness of
"I have never known such beauty
as the body lying on my bed 3 feet away,
who seems to grow even more so
when touched by the light of day."
How about: "I've never known such beauty
as that which rests 3 feet away.
You seem to grow much more so,
untouched by light of day.
"invadesmy". problem here.
"gently dance upon you skin." 'your' was probably what you were shooting for. Why three foot? try closing that gap to inches.
Bad knews though...read Eros and Phsyche.
look up 'interlunium' on the net its about the moon. there are some beautiful latin phrases for nature check them out her at...catholicarchives.nd.eu for translation of english to latin.
for expample: falling = caducus
beautiful = endymion (who was a beautiful young man loved by the moon).
It may or may not give you a little inspiration.
Please read tintagiles work hes a great poet who paints the scene enchantedly, i guarantee you'll like the one about the bare breasted maiden beneath the moonlight.
"Forgive me for the incapability of being unable to stop."
I want you to think very carefully about the meaning of that line, then ask yourself this
"Oh Christ! What have I done?"
Right on! And don't forget
"the attached disclosure."
Well, well..and here i thought you were gathering webs and critters and poof. One of your best. Take that!
that website is actually wrong its ...italatin.com/latin.html
Sometimes the wind blows in my armchair, too!
Yawn.