looks like an evil librarian. :heh: ... filing?

hrrm commendable effort but seems like its.... a little heavyhanded/has been said before/philosophical ranting not poetry to me...

didn't really do it for me; I felt too distant from the piece. pretty nonetheless.

vomitrocious...i'm sure you're sig. other really loved this but no one else gives a shit this sounds like a million terrible pop songs that have already been written absolutely nothing original going on

you should be writing pop songs

every time i read this..i just snicker. 8.

crazy

well, *I* found it hilarious. :) especially with the sEX at the end. Gods, I love randomness. :) actually think it could be touched up some with a bit more... emphasis here and there. (maybe: with NOT chocolate attached) [more of a clue that that wasn't a typo of "no"?] dunno. it's cute. :)

'till is spelled more properly 'til (as it's short for until, not untill) I can't say I really get either of these, or them together, nor the title.

yum. there is something about late night diners...(they certainly invoke lots of memories for me). you capture a certain feeling about the experience, its meaningful isolation, like everything in those weehours in bizarre denny's-type places heightens every movement and observation...err if that makes sense...but yeah I wholeheartedly agree, it is always latenight thoughts you end up chewing there. anyways well done!

cute. :) did you really mean "forwords" as opposed to "forwards"? I suppose you may have, though simple minds like mine may need it more blatant of a pun (less blatant?)... "for words".

huh. I like.... the syllabic flow. it seems perfect. but I'd like a tad more rhyme, a hint other than the chopping of lines, the addition of commas where they wouldn't belong in prose, and use of imagery that this is poetry. the statement/thought is cute, though.

this I like. "well past dinner time" seems a bit prosaic for the rest in phrasing, but... I like. and I've never really been comfortable with haikus giving information in the title that is not distinctly said (as opposed to hinted at) in the poem.

hmm first stanza is full of kinda cliched imagery/ideas and i'm all for the invention of words in poetry but 'satirety' is completely unneccesary (dont worry the world wont end if youre not rhyming). its 'satire'. thats the noun form. think it gets better as it goes...the last stanza has some redeemable imagery....i like colorless rain but 'i resistantly entwined' feels a little muddled and such phrases as 'saddened jaded' and 'stark, motionless, alone,' they all invoke this very worn out and unoriginal feeling of regurgitated despair

nice ideas but they are presented with a total lack of subtlety. especially that last line. i guess its 'honest' but its like you just put this closed idea out there it leaves nothing to the imagination, offers no nuances. otherwise the rest of the poem is pretty good.

My opinion of your poem at second glance gave me the feeling that you dug to deep, and or 'tried too hard'. which is very common at this level of poetic 'excellence'. lol. Perhaps write a pretty, and simple sonnet..to get back to nature. You use very descriptive and powerful words..to many three syllabel words in a row can play fuckidge on the tongue. If you can dig. other than that. I feel that you've gotten off here at a galloping start. I detect something familiar about your writing, but...it doesn't matter. congradulations on the 8 and poem. Enjoy your stay here.

Sound like the last dance saved8.

a moment, but doesn't "poem" for me.

didn't really work for me. the beginning was blah enough that the hah at the end didn't do it.

I don't quite get this. what are they teeming with, what are they awash with? awash me unclue-full.