poemwanker
on some deleted poem
18 Jan 2003, 10:48 AM
Seen it before.
choice call.8
I'm sure he's not the only one.
would be better maybe,
"For that is all i have ever been."
Interesting info, indeed.
Here's one:
If carrots are good for your eyes and masturbating will make you go blind, can you break even?
The best I've read this a.m.
the best yet. it hardly palliates your condition though. here's a SWAGGER AWARD! ON THIS FINE DAY..OTAY!p
well, you are consistant. That is for sure.
Have a break. Have a KitKat.
And then read my poem 'Who Flamed Roger Rabbit', and then realise that Bobjim the bloody second has plagiarised it!
I thought that you need 17 syllables in a haiku. Or am I being stupid? Can you have less?
Ahhhh ha ha ha...you're insane! i haVE ABSOLutely no clue as to what in the hell this is about and it's right there in front of me... nice curve ball.
i was really liking the way you playe with the structure, and transposed words--until the end! you will find it, richa. you are so very close now.
Very original horus, what I liked about this was the munificence of description especially in the opening. Do you write many concretes? . I have to say the line 'God works on his tan whilst sipping margaritas made me stop reading for a moment and imagine the lazy sod sitting by a poolside with mafia angels dicussing how to waste lucifer because 'he has no respect'. Also the soft star lip brush line was neat, One minor criticism was that it had to fucking end. If your gonna turn this into music you'll have to send me a copy-seriously i might whisper a few of these lines to my beau later in bed and say to her 'call me horus baby' your work is diverse and this is up there with the other one you spent quality time on about africa ***9 and three quarters***
You should try and write a vilanelle. You are practically a third of the way there already.
I believe that this would look better with a couple of missing commas fixed a period at the end.
The title Capitalized and with a comma in it also. I would very much like to edit your work, possibly...I've read all of your poems.
My pre conceptions of this (pre-read) was it would be clice ridden, i was wrong its a wicked piece of poetry, salacious, dramatic and coated verses like candle wax high number? of course =9=
R.