Re: My heart belongs to you by creepshow	Ranger 62.252.32.15	13-Oct-06/5:36 PM
Um, I guess you don't much like her any more.
Re: A Poetry Reading by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	13-Oct-06/5:39 PM
Did I say before that this reminded me of 'Mr. Tanner'? It's the last line that does it. I'd try and make the last word of each stanza end on a stressed syllable; it feels like it needs a little more finality in the piece.
regarding some deleted poem...	Fugazi 172.209.136.43	14-Oct-06/12:15 AM
Actually all your comments are helpful, I may not agree with you but by leaving these comments you enable me to look and perhaps see things through a new light. In this case I don't agree, but your comments are always appreciated for there honesty.
Re: A Poem For George Bush by Edna Sweetlove	Hostileintent 83.71.96.67	14-Oct-06/4:28 AM
edna talking crap again. free speech is cool, but thats more like an article in the paper than a poem. it don't deserve its ratings
Re: Memories Of Home by Edna Sweetlove	Hostileintent 83.71.96.67	14-Oct-06/4:41 AM
thats the type of thing you would write straight from your head onto a page when drunk. sorry dame edna
Re: A Tragic Love Tryst In The Park Near The Sewage Works by Edna Sweetlove	Hostileintent 83.71.96.67	14-Oct-06/4:44 AM
quite good
Re: Wind By Any Other Name by Edna Sweetlove	Hostileintent 83.71.96.67	14-Oct-06/4:49 AM
what was the point of that?
Re: Wanking In The Bucket by Edna Sweetlove	Hostileintent 83.71.96.67	14-Oct-06/4:50 AM
you paint the scene well. but dont do it justice.
Re: Fun At The Gynaecologists by Edna Sweetlove	Hostileintent 83.71.96.67	14-Oct-06/5:00 AM
once again edna. paint the picture perfectly (probably because you tell it like a short story), but go nowhere with it. i really have to agree with dvincent..its like a story, not a poem. is there a structure to any of your poetry??if their is, please tell me, because i would genuinely like to know. and if you feel like telling me to get lost fine.. but fuck off from my writing too.
Re: Musical Buttocks - Cha cha cha by Edna Sweetlove	Hostileintent 83.71.96.67	14-Oct-06/5:04 AM
i really like the 'left an unfinished movement on his piano stool'. i like the first four lines too. but after that ... but come on...'FART'..AGAIN??!! you practically mention them in all your writing.you mention your name again..you mention sex again..you mention the word 'fuck' or a version of it again..
Re: Toe Jam Poem by EDNA by Edna Sweetlove	Hostileintent 83.71.96.67	14-Oct-06/5:05 AM
total crap
Re: Limp Cock by Edna Sweetlove	Hostileintent 83.71.96.67	14-Oct-06/5:13 AM
its okay
Re: Eenie Meenie Minie Moe by Edna Sweetlove	Hostileintent 83.71.96.67	14-Oct-06/5:16 AM
funny
Re: A Poetry Reading by Dovina	drnick 24.176.22.254	14-Oct-06/10:32 AM
I like the line "aware of her insignificance" as I can relate. This is how I feel posting on here, though I do still keep going unlike the person of whom you write. If you used some awkward wording in this it might force the reader to feel what she may have felt on the podium.
Re: Do you fit in-to the dark? by Hostileintent	Dovina 12.72.35.8	14-Oct-06/10:34 AM
"deed" = "deep"? "known or unknown" is wordy, why not leave it out. Actually, I think "Have you ever travelled / on your own /To some place known" is a good start.
Re: My heart belongs to you by creepshow	drnick 24.176.22.254	14-Oct-06/10:38 AM
"Forevermore, nevermore."??????? I sense a severe lack of effort and just like love is enslavement, rhyming seems to have enslaved you.
Re: Gilded Lily by drnick	Dovina 12.72.35.8	14-Oct-06/10:42 AM
I like the appearance of "Lily" near the end. But why in quotes? The mis-grammar is so consistent that I see it's intentional. By half way through this, I get the style of it, which was confusing at first. I think it's a style that would take either a long poem or a series of poems to make sense of.
Re: Do you fit in-to the dark? by Hostileintent	Dovina 12.72.35.8	14-Oct-06/10:46 AM
Better in the edit. "some-what" can lose the -
regarding some deleted poem...	drnick 24.176.22.254	14-Oct-06/10:47 AM
There's a unique voice to this that I like. This reminds me of the racing current of thoughts through my head when I took mushrooms. Unfortunately, I don't think anyone who has not been in a different state of mind could appreciate this. Very good.
Re: A Poetry Reading by Dovina	nypoet22 65.9.180.121	14-Oct-06/1:27 PM
the whole event seems a bit dry and distant. as a reader i can relate, but still have trouble caring about the characters. maybe try using some present tense to add immediacy? I disagree with nick about "aware of her insignificance." Although the line tells about feelings that are meaningful, they could be better shown through body language or imagery. the last line is too much information unsupported; what comes before does not adequately suggest a reason for such an extreme result.