<~>
on some deleted poem
16 Jan 2003, 9:01 AM
is this about MTV?
Take out line three and I will give this an 8-it's nice.
Well it looks like you deserved this one!
Last line cracked me up. 8
white rapper?
'blown' leaves the door open for more verse.
needs to be 'has blown' or 'blew'' methinks.
interesting foray. thanks for sharing.
Ah, ya bastard. You sit down, braindead and write very fast and this comes out. I've spent fucking weeks on a poem and it's still bollocks. Grr.
10. Much respect for you poetry.
Hilarious. Just hilarious.
I very much enjoyed the title and the first four lines. I did not enjoy the rest.
amen.
Get rid of 'at least I know...' Get rid of the midget, he got you going but doesn't fit in with this educated crowd of words. the poem starts at stanza 3-'Out by...' the last 3 lines are really wonderful. You need to concentrate between 'updraft...I had to take the train' .
Alah --> Allah
druel --> drool
Damn. There we go writing the same thing again. How is it that we both put up a poem involving little Red Riding Hood at the time?
All that aside, this is quite damn good.
was this a confession? or do you want to shape it a little more? solid flesh on these bones, acc. but it need a little more shaping to be a good read to those not privvy to your soul.
Um, unfortunately I don't like this a great deal-not sure why, maybe it just seems a bit like 'any other poem'. Perhaps I don't understand it...there are some nice lines, and some not quite so-"that suspended realm" is presumably a reference to photographs (like what I interpreted the poem to be about).
It's very lovely, yet the whole piece lacked emotion. Don't know, maybe I'm just not reading it right-on the plus side, it did make me read it several times, not much does that these days. I think I won't vote because I would give it a not-so-great mark which would be an injustice as it's nicely written. I think I should read it again and think a bit more.
Sadly there is no rationalist proof that the real world exists, if, however you are an empiricist then you're okay.
?
Not sure what to make of this one, either. Replace the question marks (I know they're not your fault) so it's easier to read, and let me re-read this a few times...
Good.
okay, the title makes it SO accessible, do you think it's too obvious now?
something like, 'asking for it, in a red cape'?
by the way, i think this is one of your finest. i have mostly stayed out of the comments because i felt i had nothing to add.
bullseye, mrs.g.