RGallet
on 9/11/2001 by MuDvAyNe
8 Jan 2003, 11:31 AM
ha ha. good one. 8
gldsdl Able aooe
Fucking Marvelous. Great idea for a poem, decisively executed. I wish I'd thought of it first. But - a bit too angry, a bit too poetic. 8. I'd revise it
extend the metaphors. They'll become more vivid and serve your poem better if they aren't just used in one stanza and then forgotten. Butterflied flutter in packs of 1000s, they migrate, monarchs are gray under the loose pigment that covers their wings. Perhaps something there? Good work.
i bet half of them havent even heard of some of the greates people who have been alive, like Lao Tzu, Pooh, Nietzche, Descartes (yeh right!)
Touches a part of eveyone in some way, i like it
hhmm as a poem no sorry but as an extract from a piece of literature :D
I like to be "phesicious" if I ever find out how to spell that word correctly
Freethinker1602
on Maria's ways on how to deal with puberty! by little_angel_maria
8 Jan 2003, 2:30 PM
and ppl don't like this why? It's all so true....
groovy. a bit wordy for a haiku, eh?
nicely done.
planning on being "born again" are we? how christian of you!
masengil.
g--this you?
nice job, regardless.
no. you are doing it wrong.
he cant help it he has a reason, dyslexia, i dont i just have higher things than speeling
1. Don't get hung up on the rhyme, it doesn't do much for this one. Just look at the final lines- The parts that don't rhyme (lines 2+3) hang together closer than 1+2. 2. Show more and tell less - perhaps show, personalize, give us something to relate to in the first part and than have a more didactic conclusion topped with a cherry like the last bit? I just wrote a 2 part love poem and although it lacks the clarity/says a lot less than this I think you might see what I'm talking about.8
can you spell perpetual?