pain is a living mongoose scrotum adorning fashion attachment. ALL ELSE is shower curtain hoops.p

hahaaaaaaaaa....have you seen the rats in the subway stations in NYC...holly shit...they are huge! Anyway, here's a 9 for making me laugh.

I understand how hard it can be to work these things... overall I like the piece, but: "Then I first espied her. She had beauty to excess! A laugh to shiver spines - A Galician princess. What mystic Yorkshire root Was stirred in quiemada? What supernatural spice Was robbed from heaven's larder?" really don't work for me. they stumble and may have even broken something.

Would you quit posting this shit...don't you have to go and work on some Dutch pop song?....ahhhhhh...nananananananan lalalalala....chu chu chu....

I think connection could be an interesting thing to explore, but... I had no connection with this poem beyond that.

damn. cheeky but poignant. I like the title (what I saw at work today), though perhaps something fancier might identify it better.

(whom to that) the woman and the whom don't work well off of eachother in the last line. still a pleasant, and stirring poem to say the least.r

sure, i'd love to..'dada', (i don't know if i'm spelling it correctly), is poetry in a artistic shape that works on maby levels within the readers psyche, but i can give you a better example. a poem i wrote called hey, shut up and cut my grass. z wrote one shaped like a penis..but i don't think that dada is even necisarily applicable to this poetic situation, let me do an edit, try this. i was left standing, by myself holding hands with the air, the bleak moon stared down upon me and seeing that i was a solitary figure, stood aside and let me be. I watched slowly as days went by, fluttering past at an alarming rate. my life is going by too, i'm noticing nothing but you, indirect emotion lingering on your breath you didn't know what to say so you didn't say anything.a

Oooh, Mrs. God--sexy sexy, lush and sensuous and original. Drop "residing" and "modest" in the last line maybe? "In the confines of this room"? This is fine, fine work.

the edit still needs to be cleaned up, but i think you get the point.

Again, well done! Why dolphins and whales? You jump from second to third person midway through--"your hips," "your belly," "you naked phantom," but then "he who has hid his body/his tender skin . . ./he is tanned." It's a little disorienting. Minor stuff though--this is lovely and lush, as your other is.

They are letters? Pictures? What is the simple act of murder? First stanza might work better as two, especially if you stop after "I sat with them all last night" and drop the rather hackneyed "remembering the good old days." This is well done but a little ambiguous.

You have some good stuff buried in here, but it's going to topple from the weight of all the extra words. Careful, too, of the contradictions--if the sun shows no sign of returning, why does it appear in S2? Lose some of the deadweight--concrete offers no shade/drought-dead trees bring no relief/ the stars have not been seen in years/coastline utopias (no asses)/complacent minds wobble and faith can't stop the change, etc. Work with the good stuff--but WORK with it. Good luck. This could be quite good.

I didn't get it until reading the comments. :/

interesting, but. Hmm. I don't get the 3x-teed waddler.

color me confounded and confused. :/

I'm sorry. I really can't stand your repeated confusion with you're. Not to demean your loss myself, but I think the poem does.

rarr. :)

Good work, Mr. Bub. Deserves a better title.

I'm afraid this just doesn't move me much. It's very pretty, but it's not for me. 8