Bachus
on Hunt by cobalt
19 Dec 2002, 1:53 PM
DUCK KILLER!
unfortunately. miscariage.
fomented? formented. and you guys call me paranoid. tsk.
god no. not the hand me down trumpet. sweet jesus not concophony. ye have stoned my ureter with your complex layers of wisdom.
This doesnt really make sense, plus it does seem you have changed to make it rhyme but i do quite like it but its not really the type of poem i relate to! xx
i like this a lot better than your other one coz of its randomness! some of the lines are very well written too. I dont really understand it tho! xx
congradulations! sorry for horus's comment it came out wrong he mumbles out loud..see it's like this sometimes you read something and instantaneously you subconciously mutter things symbols something flashes in your head then its out, and because recently he was involved intimately in some of those symbol flashes he might of thought you wrote the piece towards his situation in a good way, and he was just responding as if he had been asked a question, and then it came out like that.......i know everything will be well with you and yours i give you my blessing and love in a sentence. You are a wonderfull person, healthy and good. You will be a loving and teaching parent, and you are already..you have our best wishes and true love and faith and respect pulling for you and yours this holiday season..yours truly, Bachus, horus and Baba. So mote it be. because it is. have a ten for your picture and your sound.y
the shaft of his gun? Are you fucking high? "to the kids that have past through the walls of my virginity"? hahah the flood that kicked us down...its like hallmark on bad acid naked and duct taped to the new humvee with seth green and his posse driving you around while the backstreet boys make sweet love to the back of your backwards baseball cap. you should be rubber banded to death. patti smith should give you a left handed wedgie.
'Maimed' for the perfectionist in you. this strong piece should not be weakened by spelling errors now bend over boy !
WHATTTEEEEEEESH !
the 1st 4 lines stanza 2 are awesome. 7-
I dont always vote on the whole poem and this one by you is a classic example why.
Stanza 1 nothing wrong with it.
its a bit generalistic and wishy washy from there.
However I wrote a whole poem last week around 2 lines i wrote from a poem 10 years ago, it was well received on here so just remember all the poetry you write is good because you write it, the key is finding the path to peoples empathy and originating a unique style that people buy. Anyway happy holiday hobojo, 0 votes fly around on this site like tears in a pram its not bad ---5
"glorious red umbrella"--nice. I like this a lot--you've managed to be wistful without falling into sticky sentimentality.
I like your wordplay, but this seems incoherent.
distasters? the last time i provoked one of those it chased me down the street with a whiffle ball bat, and it was like "ookey wooki chueki chew..chewy chick chick wa wicky chew." and you know what i did? i happily wept and ran for my life. tsk. and please don't smash the cloud. thanks.
well...if anything..this poem helped me appreciate my coffe a bit more. take a three, and go back to your fucking hobbit riddles. you're about as marvelis as 90210 re-runs hith a midget riding around a saddled bull mastiff naked with a tin foil hat and cap gun. galavanting around my house while a constantly hit rewind play rewind play tookie hat play smookie hey! PLAY BOMBAY! hey! hey hat! HAY! HAY! HAY! fuck.. broke a nail. shit.
do you think if i blow-gunned anna nicole smith while she was holding court to her fucking lawyer and interior designer i could kill them all..i mean..you know with the right wind and timimg?
March is Colorado's snowiest month. So it is good you took this to CT and made it your own rather than leave it out here in the BenRice haiku. It is a desert out here. We need more vocabulary for the many shades of brown. If it were not for the immense blue sky, white-capped mountains and non-native evergreen we would all perish and be blinded to whiteness out here. Very nice in your country.
Was it your intention to go from singular to plural, because I find it a bit confusing to the poem?
Also, who are "we".
"Yes, we see know" is this a typo?
i wasn't kidding, nor was i trying to be funny. there was a miscarriage, because she was on that shot thing which does something (weaken the lining of the uterus? and the embryo doesn't fasten slides down becomes tubal hemorrages blood, emergency care..vacuuming..half smile guilt no conversation on the way home. SO DON'T FUVCKING TELL ME WHJAT. I MADE A FUCKING COMMENT ABOUT A PIUUECE THAT REMINDED ME OF A SITUATION i went through LASt week called a miscarriage i put it down just because i'm like that. get it it made me think of thast i put it down..i don't need to play fucking mind games with people to get off..get that? i wasn't trying to be fucking funny, so go fuck yourself.
brilliant.