Caducus
on A Well Worth Wait by savannah
22 Nov 2002, 6:34 AM
Oh dear - you can do better,
heart is the right place, but the poems in the wrong place.
I've been through the clouds too.
thanks to jack daniels
how punny.
Once a friend of mine was on the bus when another passenger got explosive diarrhea all over my friend's shoes. So he tried to go to the mall to buy replacements. They wouldn't let him in to buy shoes because he was barefoot. stupid mall people. quality.
the ONLY word I don't thnik fits is "scruples". It seems out of character. Otherwise, I liked it a lot--a 10.
like the way you start off innocent, and then throw in the etherised patient. insidious.
who liked to drive on the autobahn.
he killed lots of deer,
as they stood there in fear!
and often he'd swerve for the lesser fawn.
....hope I helped :)
WTF? Are you guys kidding--two "8" votes? Fuck--doesn't anyone read Eliot--or are you being sardonic?
ATHENA--last time you ripped off this T.S. Eliot poem (Guitar and Drum solo), adding some lame final lines of your own, I thought maybe you were making some kind of statement (no clue what it might be, mind you, but gave you the benefit of the doubt). What are you doing here, exactly, besides plagiarizing Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock? Write your own shit, why don't you?
A powerful statement indeed, its well written and you need to name more specifically those responsible for this atrocity,(e.g the government, the husbands, local authorities, the u.n.) because the subject is sensitive and to some an outsider viewing the insider may provoke racial accusations.
I think however you've researched the facts, the last line could be more affecting, maybe 'Vishnu's Infasdel' would go better for the last line.
Bottom line I liked it, (7)
Its good, but your title is pompous, mutual respect of poetry/haiku's whether their a masterpiece or not should be displayed.
I await your backlash
I have suffered from loss and even though it was not a spouse, this poem still has brought about real universal feelings.
rosemary's for remembrance, tint. why didn't you remember to end the flow with an ebb, instead of a jar?
Again, I've been taken back to a place I've been before - and also 6 years long.
Ban Coffee !
at least it wasn't a sock
Spain obviously inspired you, I want to read this in English i feel like I'm drunk in a karaoke bar in benidorm and i'm singing along to something i have no knowledge of, so please re-submit it-
lines 3/4 stanza 2 screw this up, if you took all the best lines and condensed it, it could be quite a good poem. As it stands it dont clog my throat
Giant Haystacks? Big Daddy?
really, he's just an all-too-eager dauphin.