limonade
on some deleted poem
6 Nov 2002, 7:52 PM
You knit images well.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
6 Nov 2002, 6:52 PM
oh godd, you're good
Doesn't the fog offer protection? Oh, yes they are moving, or is it they? Maybe "I"? Hmmmm. Hey, what is a cyber back seat, you know, just in case I get lucky? Why "temp'rature"? Make sure to make sure it's not the stick shift!
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This is really quite magnificent.
But I love the title!
Not a favorite. But you were pissed, so fair enough.
In an alternative universe there would be no distinction between good and bad, and as a result we would have no prohibitions against anything, and furthermore this would be considered a masterpiece. Unfortunately we don't, so it's actually crap.
I have to admit, I laughed my arse off, but then again, I do have a penchant for crap poems(both reading and writing them), and this certainly is crap
Genius!I'm not even a football fan, but I still like it.I have a request:a poem on Roy Keane would be an interesting addition,hmmm?
"putting my soul on layaway" is fantastic. I like this piece a lot. There is something not quite right about diagonal cheek, I think. I think there might be a word missing in the last sentence. I'm going to look for more of your stuff.
I think it's much better now. I still don't like the conceit you use in xi. It seems so out of place with you and the body of your work because there is nothing humble about you. It also stands out uncomfortably from the rest where you *do* describe that night. In xii. fingers failing doesn't work. You don't hum with your fingers. Otherwise, this is as near perfection as it can get.
10 for the web of dreams. The rest is good too.
This is good. I can't give you full marks on your poems because there's something in your style (the line breaks and enjambments) I just can't bring myself to like, but don't feel bad about it, I do that to some of my favourite writers on here.
If blade is a knife object the poem works for me but if blade is a is a person then it is harder to swallow.
jesus christ..i fucking quit. i'm gonna move to aspen and train children in the art of avalanching the village and cheering up the ugly yeti. farewell.
Clever, unique style of imagery, and really nicely written. This is good stuff (a change from the usual bigoted, childish drivel we get on this site) - well done!
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
6 Nov 2002, 6:49 PM
a little long, eh
but some nice images
don't know whether to laugh or cry.Have a 5 for confusing me