Robert K Foster
on Tom and Jerry by WarrenGDawg
17 Sep 2002, 7:19 AM
the cliche title may weaken this...
9 points for making me smile--plus one for adding to my vocabulary.."tennessee waterfall" is a perfect description...
cute.
excellent sense of mystery.
your cliche title weakens your poem
some deleted user
on Please President Bush, Save Me From My Adolescence by mogwai
17 Sep 2002, 7:31 AM
interesting, and i like it, but the POV is a little confusing. are you writing from an Afghani perspective? that would explain some of it, but then the style is off (as is the part about "my house," since they all live in caves. sorry, i can't help myself sometimes.) the last line is great, but, dammit, how does it mesh with the rest. it's too early to think.
a bit vague--but nice
god! i love it when my pillow smells like that!!!
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
17 Sep 2002, 7:21 AM
as you usually do, you've gone one stanza too long. the last one should be ditched. "a butt fetish"!
clever image.
?
you've got one of those old computers? I remember those wang computers. does it still work?
vivid. bravo.
Nice, gentle, weight of thought, everything a good Haiku should be.
I failed math.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
17 Sep 2002, 7:27 AM
i kind of like this. it's lazy in both form and content, but i think that actually lends to the mood. like it's almost purposely languid.
perplexingly violent.
why 'first'?
heheheh.
effective simile. good show.