PawnedTidal
on Victim No More by PawnedTidal
6 Sep 2002, 6:29 PM
Thanks!
poignant.
Perfect. You have left thirsting for more. Someones probably going to whine at you that the 4th has 8 syllables instead of 7, so you might want to change <isn't> to <ain't>. I don't give a fuck, these are perfect for a monologue. The Haiku bandit.
hey sis! thanx...could you revote later when you get a chance..i re-edited...the wife and kids home too so, you know...if you want to talk to nad. love jb.
Ha! Clever and funny. Your ID self is improving.
thanks...have you tried the soup? i hope you have...i believe your id has been developing these days also...you'll have to excuse me..i have to step out for the friday night hustle...we'll speak again soon. bye.
Yes, you're right, god is a figment of your torn imagination. So is everything else. Take some serotonin re-uptake inhibitors. You'll feel loads better. Though they might interfere with your so- called talent.
my sister has got you pinned...lol! i would say days..fuck hours...there are so many knots here that it's gordian, or freudian, or perhaps pathetic and pointless..therefore you fail..so flush! my kale gun has a bead on way...i pray you're not allergic to9 calcium..like the the last one..bend over please..t'ankyou.o
Things are not quenched for, they are quenched by. Here's a small nugget of wisdom you can take with you on your quest for enlightenment: Many people will incourage you by telling you your poetry is good. They are lying.
The antithesis of erotica. Who needs Keigels, after reading this my vagina squeezed shut.
Yes, I know it needs revision. 'Heaving' is godawful, and 'petal' almost as bad, but I couldn't think of other words that suited it. I used 'sex' because that line needed a single syllable, and I sure as hell wasn't going to use 'cunt'. As for the cinnamon thing... Sigh. Breathing is composed of two things: inhaling and exhaling. It's a fancy way of saying that this girl's shaved head smelt of cinnamon. That's all.
Oh yes, and the last stanza is pretty bad, but I had to finish it somehow and couldn't be arsed to think of anything else.
did you edit? or do you not want votes?
it would be whatever we wanted it to be, and it would mean only what it was meant to be meant for. the naming of things has always been our first mistakes....cuz it works both ways..forgetably unforgetful. you should edit for a faster reasd. vertical.
i too wish for a prometheus high tide..bird bath...this is the HORUS 8 WINNER OF THE BURNT UMBER TOTEMIZE THE LAst SON PRIZE in justifiable death wishes. hand salute 9/10! p.s love the spit whiskey line!
Haha, I loved it! Funny, but with a point. 9!
Remove the last 2 lines. They turn this sappy poem into a late night talk show intro.
Really awful, and pregnant with bad grammaticals.
oxymoron. haha