Venus
on some deleted poem
15 Aug 2002, 11:00 PM
8/10 for making me LAUGH OUT LOUD within three lines. I LAUGH OUT LOUD quite a bit, reading the poetry on this site; it usually sounds different though, and the look on my face, I know I'm snarling sometimes.
I could be drunk, I'll read it again, but for now I'm thinking, it's a 10/10
Mmyess... Yes, I also enjoy wafting warmth on the still air. However I have been forbidden by that dastardly Justice Trumpington to cease and desist. O woe is me...
Why do people try and comment on "appropriate Stanza" etc etc?
Surely "total shite" is enough?!?!
Yeah, Doylum. Blah blah blah blah serve to flaunt your amateur status. Checkmate, I believe.
Keep it up 8/10
Powerful stuff, Jade. I feel you, really. Share it with your people if you can. 8/10
You are a fantastic writer, and I am a cat, so I give you a 10, if for nothing else, but that.
there are some disrupted rhythms here (such as "anywhere" in 2nd to last line),you've got a potentially good sounding poem, as long as you don't let your pervesrion cloud your craft. (and it is "memories")
as to the last comment--you owe reality nothing! aside from the fact that this poem is very weak, your last response tells me that you've restricted yourself in the world of reality--sacrifice that for the sake of the sounds in the poem. Giving an attitude to a valid critique will only serve to flaunt your amateur status and alienate you from the people who actually car about these types of things.
you better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout, i'm telling you why...
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
16 Aug 2002, 6:22 AM
the comments are more interesting than the poem (as usual), but as for the poem: why don't you tell us how you really feel?! christ, it's more of a declaration than poetry, and i hope you at least got a nice back rub and a tickle down below for the gushing.
oh. oh. i like the way this poem mixes sugar and spice and crawling skin. very uncomfortable.
i'm guessing "little sam" is his member?
brilliant. how many "poems" can people write about farting and shitting?
i think i need to go shoot up and read it again (that is "get hi").
sounds like it's been a while since you unwrapped a package.
rest assured this fuckin red neck is not my mojo....he is potie's aunt flo with a cochroach tongue and a lisple's lisp
only if brea was chea! give me a cracker fucker....
let them be....mashed