Re: Homecoming Parade by wilco	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.67	28-Feb-05/6:14 AM
I like it too. another kind of parade might make me happier. unless it's supposed to carry the undertones of war. Say, any relation to the "band" wilco?
Re: A Song for Laura by somemorepoetry	DevilBuni 149.152.192.18	28-Feb-05/5:06 PM
The first stanza kind of sounds a little forced and parts dont really make sense.
regarding some deleted poem...	thepinkbunnyofdoom 66.117.237.2	28-Feb-05/8:28 PM
If your the spider am I the fly? For if so I must tell you that I am not defenceless. But I will drift toward your web despite myself. Watch me.
regarding some deleted poem...	thepinkbunnyofdoom 66.117.237.2	28-Feb-05/8:31 PM
You turn my words against me so well. <3 Jason
Re: To Hell With Dylan Thomas by villy_zee_vanker	zodiac 212.118.11.12	28-Feb-05/9:49 PM
It's not a bad poem, but I think it's unfair since Dylan Thomas can't answer, having pickled himself ages ago. Why don't you write a response to someone living? Seriously.
Re: Forsaken by DevilBuni	zodiac 212.118.11.12	28-Feb-05/10:00 PM
Some real advice for once: - Don't invert word order for a rhyme. - Don't cripple grammar for a rhyme. - Don't rhyme fear/tear, choose/lose, stand/hand, or taken/forsaken. An easy rule is: if any song I've ever heard does it, don't. - The way you continue sentences through lines like the ones ending in 'shun' and 'back' is really good. The rest of the lines seem poorly connected and mostly for rhyme's sake. - Punctuate. - Don't write poems about friends dissing and you don't know why.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 212.118.11.12	28-Feb-05/10:02 PM
This is simply preposterous. I wouldn't have thought it possible, but your relationship with tpbrod is actually hurting your poetry.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 212.118.11.12	28-Feb-05/10:02 PM
Sometimes I simply can't believe your an adult.
Re: Background Noise by Plaidypus	zodiac 212.118.11.12	28-Feb-05/10:04 PM
Did you just watch the movie "Girl with a Pearl Earring"? Just a wild guess.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 212.118.11.12	28-Feb-05/10:08 PM
Was the event really a Penispeople Busboarding? How odd!
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 212.118.11.12	28-Feb-05/10:10 PM
Drop the word "Remember". From everywhere.
Re: The Sky Is My Nation by fetisha	zodiac 212.118.11.12	28-Feb-05/10:12 PM
Q1: What about wars that actually take place mostly in the sky? Like, say, the last ten. Q2: What is involved in being patriotic to a nation with no laws? I wouldn't have thought it possible.
Re: The Stab by fetisha	zodiac 212.118.11.12	28-Feb-05/10:16 PM
Some advice: Don't call yourself insane in a poem, or anywhere else for that matter. Trust me, being an Insane isn't all as cute as Benny & Joon or whatever. Most of them are missing a whole lot of teeth, stink to high heaven, and aren't anything even the most selfobsessed of misanthropes want to look like. If you saw a real one, you'd know what I was talking about.
Re: The Runaway by bamf909	tadpole 24.55.116.186	28-Feb-05/11:29 PM
More, more, give us more. . .I like your poems
Re: For Junior by PodPoet	Dovina 12.72.6.133	1-Mar-05/7:46 AM
Beware!
Re: For Junior by PodPoet	edpeterson 68.79.203.220	1-Mar-05/8:14 AM
The best poem ever written. -10-
Re: In My Arms by jroday	Dovina 12.72.12.176	1-Mar-05/9:03 AM
Drop the first line, since it's the same as the title, and change "mine" to "mind" in Line 3. Also, some of the punctuation is not needed. Otherwise pretty good.
Re: Advertising says: by Dovina	jroday 204.215.33.139	1-Mar-05/10:31 AM
It's a catch to it all,we all have been a sucker for Advertisement sometime in our life.
Re: spiders and butterflies by Mona Lisa	Dovina 12.72.9.138	1-Mar-05/12:03 PM
The last verse seems overdone, otherwise pretty good.
Re: The Gentleman by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	edpeterson 68.79.203.220	1-Mar-05/12:28 PM
A mountainous mass of crawling yak shit. You, sir, would not know a gentleman from a training bra. I bid you good day!