regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 147.154.235.51	11-Jan-05/2:24 PM
Interesting idea, the rythm of it kept me going - but to what end? A bit of a let down - needs a hook consistent with the ambiguity theme.
Re: The Wall is Crying by daggatolar	Shuushin 147.154.235.51	11-Jan-05/2:26 PM
As an excercise try to take out exactly half the words - gives you something like fourty to work with. Try it.
Re: Justin by smellycat541@	Shuushin 147.154.235.51	11-Jan-05/2:42 PM
silly, cute. have a nine.
Re: The Poet's Plight by dougsoderstrom	Shuushin 147.154.235.51	11-Jan-05/2:31 PM
ars poetica, eh? Tough ground, tough ground because there is, imho, an expectation of artfulness in the expression. This one, while not breaking any new, has some nice moments. I was struck recently by the thought, "it doesn't matter how hard you cried when you wrote it - it don't make it good". This one though, aint bad.
Re: The Poet's Plight by dougsoderstrom	Dovina 69.175.6.101	11-Jan-05/7:49 AM
You've make a pretty good shot at poetic rhythm here. "Hidden, yet for the world to see" is a good line because it's a prospect to keep one going.
regarding some deleted poem...	Crakyamuni 131.252.231.169	11-Jan-05/9:28 AM
Ridden hard indeed, like a rabid steed. No quarter for God's whores, and so the wreckage from her mouth, it poors. Did you read Spiritually driven, I think you have? Please look it over, I respect your opinion.
regarding some deleted poem...	nentwined 64.60.192.130	11-Jan-05/9:42 AM
nice. I'm a big fan of (things). reads like a dream that you awake to, which I think is what you wanted. which is nice. I'm still asleep, so my thoughts may be misguided.
Re: spiritually driven by Crakyamuni	Shuushin 147.154.235.51	11-Jan-05/10:42 AM
I like the language, but it's plagued a little by some grammar/syntax issues and it looses something with concessions to rhyme and format. Easily fixed all, I think. Starts with "fundamental" - I want it to be "fundamentally" but it could really be that you meant it as "fundamental" - EXCept then I see the "were" which certainly should be "we're", the the un-need "being" in "being constructed", some extra commas and I come to "together we loot", "[together we] death" so I start to doubt the correctness of "fundamental" all the more. I'd like to see a version without all the indentations since it tends to be a distraction if the thing isn't *perfectly clear* to begin with. The last seven lines are nice and clean, a little messy just above it (the stealth line seems very forced for ("wealth")). Pretty close, pretty close.
Re: My nieghborhood(1) by thepinkbunnyofdoom	Shuushin 147.154.235.51	11-Jan-05/2:20 PM
yeah, this needs to be longer. And consider something else besides the hours/devours couplet. good stuff.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 147.154.235.51	11-Jan-05/2:22 PM
I just can't get into the turnip thing - this doesn't make me sympathize with them, or care, somehow. Might make a good childrens book?
Re: I love by Leigha Browning	Shuushin 147.154.235.51	11-Jan-05/2:44 PM
turn each stanza into a poem then call back.
Re: Untitled 18 by PopoyMola	Shuushin 147.154.235.51	11-Jan-05/2:50 PM
"clairaudience" - thank you, good word. "hearing [a] sound[s] that linger[s]" you are allowed one "s" "condole" while a word, is awkward here (console). haunter - unusual, and usualy apostrophied. well. it's very heavy in vocab, and the subject is done and done and done - but somehow this rises a bit above the usual ... crap, for lack of a better word. Another example of, "in the valley of the blind, the one-eyed man is king". You get an 8 for making me go to the web 3 times to look things up.
regarding some deleted poem...	jauser 63.20.187.61	11-Jan-05/7:20 PM
weird words, but it is good to read. Don't really understand.
Re: Moon and History by kawakurdi	jauser 63.20.187.61	11-Jan-05/7:23 PM
[ speechless ]
Re: Veins by helenwales	jauser 63.20.187.61	11-Jan-05/7:24 PM
waaa? I don't get i.
Re: Winds Cakel by nothingtoanyone	Shuushin 70.16.213.129	11-Jan-05/8:58 PM
cackel v : make a cackling sound; "The fire cackled cozily" -------------------------- v. healed, heal·ing, heals v. tr. To restore to health or soundness; cure. See Synonyms at cure. To set right; repair: healed the rift between us. To restore (a person) to spiritual wholeness. v. intr. To become whole and sound; return to health (not heeled)
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 70.16.213.129	11-Jan-05/9:01 PM
re "fobbish" - I think u mean fop·pish ( P ) Pronunciation Key (fpsh) adj. Of, relating to, or characteristic of a fop; dandified fobbish... aint n'er heard of it. --- Reeks of English as a second language, humble apologies if this is true.
Re: medieval myth by ThePariahDog	Shuushin 70.16.213.129	11-Jan-05/9:08 PM
"sole" - do you mean that one, as "sole survivor" - or do you mean soul - like "heart and soul"? Parts of this sound like an explosion in a thesaurus factory.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 70.16.213.129	11-Jan-05/9:11 PM
Reads like a parts list for a dragon story, not a poem. Forgive my bluntness, but you are telling the whole thing away.
Re: Veins by helenwales	Shuushin 70.16.213.129	11-Jan-05/9:19 PM
"thud" implies a kind of finality - at least to me, as in it was the last heartbeat. I know, you say "metronome" later - too late. "Faith in god, in breathing while you're asleep" does this mean god is allowing his lungs (diaphram) to contract and expand? And if this were the case, I would think such a generous entity would deserve a big "G" at least. Can't quite get a grip on this one's meaning - could be the several metaphors - nest/nature, metronome/music, goe/religion, root/no idea. vein/medicine. A riddle of some kind? Thinking... is this the famous egg of the Jesus Omelette??!