Re: You and Me at Boulder Lake by jessicazee	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.118	14-Dec-04/5:13 AM
I liked the last 1.5 lines the best. The toenail of God doesn't seem to harmonise, and I fail to understand why most of the line breaks are where they are. But it was an interesting read.
Re: The Grey Prince Of Gulls by Caducus	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.101	14-Dec-04/1:58 AM
Some interesting imagery
regarding some deleted poem...	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.101	14-Dec-04/2:07 AM
Interesting but there are some rather mediocre lines here = 7,8,14 the stresses are out of sync in line 10 and I fail to understand why smooth is spelled smoothe
regarding some deleted poem...	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.101	14-Dec-04/2:08 AM
Pretty shallow really
regarding some deleted poem...	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.84	14-Dec-04/2:15 AM
Thislooks like you just wrote it down and then didn't bother to look at it. You need to work on if you want it to be anying worth reading.
Re: Peptalk in the Dugout by Dovina	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.118	14-Dec-04/5:17 AM
A nice read, I think it is batter's box however. Personally I think it would be more catching with rhymes, but then I am biased.
Re: The wreck of a Memphis-Atlanta Greyhound by zodiac	Dovina 69.175.6.101	13-Dec-04/12:01 PM
You have written me a poem. How very touching. Of course you will take my saying so as facetious. But no. And to show my appreciation, I will comment at length, without slander or name calling, and with an only purpose of constructive feedback. It could not have been written during the accident, but after it, making the title not only too long, but confusing. Comma before “given” in versa 2. “always more-or-less the same” seems neither accurate, nor logically sound or even a line that says anything. Besides, the thought is expressed above. “’God-fearing’ once in his life, uncynically.” Doesn’t say much. Everyone does it once. Try “often.” The man who was thrown was on the bus, and the narrator was on the bus, else how could the narrator develop so detailed an opinion of him or know he had been in the lavatory. Yet the man flew over the dash (Do busses have dashes?) and through the windshield of the bus, while all of the other passengers were only pressed forward against seatbacks. The narrator had to have been sitting near the front of the bus to see the man’s flight after he penetrated the windshield, and remained in his seat during the flight, or at least not far from it, to notice the man’s expression. The thrown man probably landed on the car involved in the head-on collision (I assume it was head-on), yet no mention of it. When a bus hits a car head-on, and the driver of the car is not hurt badly, then the collision happened at low speed, which would cause little impact to the much-heavier bus. Okay, if you say so, but it seems the physics should be presented more believably if you want us to consider the philosophy. Saying, “the physics of the thing are suspect.” Isn’t enough. “up-falling rain of pebbled glass” Since you’ve opened this ethereal aspect, this line could be related to the thrown man’s character as you developed it above, bring cause to the result, bringing relevance to the collision. Just an idea.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dan garcia-Black 66.218.59.50	13-Dec-04/8:19 AM
I GOT THE POWER!!!!!!
Re: Peptalk in the Dugout by Dovina	Dan garcia-Black 66.218.59.50	13-Dec-04/8:58 AM
After watching a baseball game or two, I thought that at the beginning of the action the empire shouted, "Play Balls!" So the players aren't supposed to...uh...you know? On a completely different subject I discovered a cool 'x' on the lower right-hand corner of the comment box. You can delete comments made by annoying asstrological signers by left-clicking the 'x.' It is part of the "freedom of speech" philosophy on poemranker. You have the right to say anything you want to me in comments. I have the right to delete comments. "America, what a country!" J. Smirnoff
Re: !!! by Jezabele-In-Hell	sir_heff 65.172.117.1	13-Dec-04/9:20 AM
get out of my head!
Re: Love Bruises by Jezabele-In-Hell	sir_heff 65.172.117.1	13-Dec-04/9:25 AM
bruises on the heart fade much more slowly than those of the body. sometimes there never really gone and the slightest touch or a harsh thought can bring your bruises to the surface again
Re: ... by Jezabele-In-Hell	sir_heff 65.172.117.1	13-Dec-04/9:28 AM
remember, life is just a circle, and your family dances in it. -9- for once again being in my head....
Re: They who would have me forget by BleedingRose	sir_heff 65.172.117.1	13-Dec-04/9:32 AM
we really do have a lot in common, i always get hung on shit too. just feels wrong to forget it... -10- i think this is your best one, well mabye the one about truth is better, but there close anyway
Re: My Life As a Single Teenage Girl by Princess_Snowflake	Stacy Stewart 67.51.232.76	13-Dec-04/9:32 AM
This is not a Haiku A haiku has 5,7,5 and is about nature Say the count was right then it would be a Senriu, those are about humans.
Re: Hurt by Princess_Snowflake	Stacy Stewart 67.51.232.76	13-Dec-04/9:36 AM
You have to many mistakes in here. The rhyme is off. Alot of your sentances don't make sence. Example: that has caught your own eye and makes you think it's better than it was. that has cought your eye etc etc...Reread this poem and fix the mistakes.
regarding some deleted poem...	horus8 24.130.62.63	13-Dec-04/10:33 AM
Your poems are like petrified turds huddling in a cave.
regarding some deleted poem...	horus8 24.130.62.63	13-Dec-04/10:40 AM
I want to rape your face with a wiffle ball bat, and a can of warm crisco. Oh wait somebody has already raped you from poemranker. Tell us who the poemranker rapist is Chrystal... I bet it's nateislate, or some other asshat like that.
regarding some deleted poem...	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.118	14-Dec-04/5:10 AM
Those who can do, those who can't claim it isn't worth the effort. Long live the debate.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.205.130	14-Dec-04/8:26 AM
I hope reality is all you hope it will be, I.
Re: You and Me at Boulder Lake by jessicazee	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.205.130	14-Dec-04/8:57 AM
Haven't been camping for 40 years but this resonates. It is one of 'those' moments that can happen anywhere when you are with 'that' person. Here in LA it could happen at the Mark Taper, in S.F at 'the baths' or in Texas at a barbeque. It needs a bit of tightening to be a -10-.