Re: In the office by phauge	nentwined 66.92.183.34	8-Nov-04/7:58 PM
I like s4. death, love, pain, and loss-- these are the thoughts in my mind while in the office
Re: Small Town Tavern by NinjaPoet	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	9-Nov-04/3:01 AM
dross
Re: Stayed Too Long by poetryman	edpeterson 68.79.60.123	8-Nov-04/9:04 PM
a turtle strokes its way through a puddle of creamed corn. she turns coldly, glaring beneath her shades, smoke gushing from her face. she speaks. we see her missing teeth. A force beyond my control pushes at the seams in my denim trousers.
Re: In the office by phauge	edpeterson 68.79.60.123	8-Nov-04/9:09 PM
perhaps during the hours of boredom, you might read, or, I don't know, learn how to spell? Or, here is another idea...focus on whatever task you are performing, so as not to completely fuck it up. what is gimmie? If only you had rhymed something with 'drano', this would have been an automatic 10
Re: Down by phauge	edpeterson 68.79.60.123	8-Nov-04/9:12 PM
now this i think is kinda funny and kinda good. if only you had made the half rhyme of tuna and you a bit more obvious....still a 10
Re: Where I work by phauge	edpeterson 68.79.60.123	8-Nov-04/9:15 PM
freaking....this is wrong. either use "fucking" or some other word that stands on its own and is not some chilly euphemism for a real word. though I don't suppose it really matters, as this is most likely written on a post-it note and destined for the trash anyway.
Re: Bowie Still Gives Me a Bonner by phauge	phauge 69.105.110.126	9-Nov-04/8:48 AM
I'm not gay, but c'mon. This is Bowie we're talking about.
Re: The Roses by poetryman	Bachus 24.130.62.63	9-Nov-04/1:08 PM
"strong and erect" You're obviously, a gay.
Re: Bowie Still Gives Me a Bonner by phauge	Bachus 24.130.62.63	9-Nov-04/1:09 PM
A B Flat.
Re: keep on digging by nentwined	Bachus 24.130.62.63	9-Nov-04/1:10 PM
Almost.
Re: Silly sickness by fevriere	Bachus 24.130.62.63	9-Nov-04/1:32 PM
I feel the same way about dung beatles.
Re: Mind's Eye by Sean Allen	Bachus 24.130.62.63	9-Nov-04/1:33 PM
I was hoping for shit, but found a modicum of shine.
Re: An Afternoon Walk by Dovina	Bachus 24.130.62.63	9-Nov-04/1:37 PM
Ah "crusty and clean" Like brain cancer. the third stanza is utter crap, but... I didn't know weaker defense was dusty? And I've never seen snow with dust, because dust is dry, do you mean silt? or dusty snow? Only you could make an afternoon walk, this fucking confusing.
Re: Silly sickness by fevriere	richa 81.178.133.114	9-Nov-04/2:31 PM
Not sure about this one. 'You're something witty' where it is sounds bizarre. Short sentences are fine in building up tempo but the linebreaks impede this and I spent too much time figuring out how each line followed on from the other. Most of your recent poems; soul fruit, a wanderlust to the new, zipmark'd etc have been pretty good (the use of composite words in wanderlust I enjoyed) and have sounded wonderful. I think part of the reason for this is the longer verses bring out your lyricality in a way this poem does not.
Re: keep on digging by nentwined	richa 81.178.133.114	9-Nov-04/2:35 PM
I would replace the first two lines. A level knocks on a door?!. The second line is plain inelegant. And I would write more.
Re: A Child Learns (haiku) by poetryman	richa 81.178.133.114	9-Nov-04/2:43 PM
This is not a haiku it is a discredited view.
Re: A Child Learns (haiku) by poetryman	poetryman 66.173.175.21	9-Nov-04/3:23 PM
The Japanese, who were the true originators of writing Haiku, considered children as the highest form of nature. Read Ho-Chu
Re: An Afternoon Walk by Dovina	jroday 204.215.34.203	9-Nov-04/5:04 PM
Dovina! others may deprive you of your material wealth and cheat you in a thousand ways, but no man can deprive you of the control and use of your imagination. That's why I say nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere Ignorance and consciencious stupidity.I am sure that I'm going to get some kind of smart comment from someone, but understand! What people think of me isn't any of my business.And I would like for you to remember that my friend.
regarding some deleted poem...	tadpole 67.21.31.89	9-Nov-04/5:11 PM
Isn't it the truth. I definitely hear you and feel sorry for the deer!
Re: A Child Learns (haiku) by poetryman	Bachus 24.130.62.63	9-Nov-04/5:56 PM
What about a child of rape?