Re: Wake Up by unouluvme	unouluvme 4.142.234.205	27-Jul-04/11:29 AM
doesnt make sense? i didnt think so.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.205.80	27-Jul-04/10:47 AM
"All of my rhymes seem to either express or cover what I really feel." A perfectly telling line. We think that we can hide behind the words but in the end we continue to express things we think we are covering up anyway. And in spite of all that "god stuff," a good poem. Thought provoking.
Re: A Forever Splintered Heart by MacFrantic	Shuushin 147.154.235.52	27-Jul-04/10:52 AM
this style always strikes me as little "list-like" as I have trouble with the line-to-line transitions. One gets the sense the lines exist solely to rhyme. the fourth ("Neon...") stanza works pretty well I think, no? A tough genre to break new ground with though.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.205.80	27-Jul-04/10:58 AM
Let's make it unanimous. -10- I hope the Melot was from one of the great California vineyards.
Re: Brats by D. $ Fontera	Shuushin 147.154.235.52	27-Jul-04/11:00 AM
pretty catchy, really. I think the last stanza brings it down a notch though. What else might go there? a fun piece.
Re: Cranberry shoes by INTRANSIT	Shuushin 147.154.235.52	27-Jul-04/11:08 AM
a good read. the sentence with the carbon dating is a bit bloody though - I think you could easily fix it up. Focusing more there on the stars' ability to inform Pomma of his mothers death might help that second part, too.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 209.77.30.198	27-Jul-04/11:11 AM
Funny, good analogy, just a glass of wine and a room for the night, flush the rest.
regarding some deleted poem...	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 163.1.146.135	27-Jul-04/11:23 AM
This reads like the ramblings of a drugged horse. How dare you sully us with the tawdry details of your powdered (white) exploits? I suggest you give up arbitrarily bracketing things and take up a new hobby; one that cannot only be described as "unbelievably appalling" -10-
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 209.77.30.198	27-Jul-04/11:24 AM
Nice
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 209.77.30.198	27-Jul-04/12:31 PM
What does it say about God if he gives a thing that curses? The line seems out of place in a an otherwise good poem.
Re: Wake Up by unouluvme	Dovina 209.77.30.198	27-Jul-04/12:33 PM
Wish I knew what your are talking about. It sounds like it might be interseting.
Re: Cranberry shoes by INTRANSIT	Dovina 209.77.30.198	27-Jul-04/12:47 PM
The carbon dating thing throws me because it dates dead tissue, which is ok except that I wonder why you bring it up, except to compare it with what he was about to say regarding the stars. Otherwise a good read.
Re: The Annual January Thaw by Dovina	Shuushin 147.154.235.52	27-Jul-04/1:12 PM
I must be one of those embittered stoics. I remember hiking, not in January (May I think), when there was no snow at the bottom of the mountain so I wore hi-tops on a whim - mistake since I was soon tramping through snow... crappy snow. Good poem.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	27-Jul-04/3:32 AM
I know the feeling. Baggage. ending cadence works well.
regarding some deleted poem...	INTRANSIT 205.188.116.70	27-Jul-04/6:21 AM
Absolutely!!!! Sometimes my Legos give me nightmares.
regarding some deleted poem...	INTRANSIT 205.188.116.70	27-Jul-04/6:30 AM
A little slow off the line but the second stanza just smokes the tires!!! Loved it. I'll read the giant later today. welcome.
Re: Zin/Enough/Things/Squeeze/Flow by gregsamsa222	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.70	27-Jul-04/8:42 AM
no big pompous words. cliches, used artfully almost unnoticeable. backwards works.
Re: Cranberry shoes by INTRANSIT	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.205.80	27-Jul-04/9:42 AM
Bitter-sweet Laotian candy. Good prose.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.205.80	27-Jul-04/10:06 AM
I was there last night. A bit confusing at the end of stanza one and through stanza two but I think that's the point. Isn't it? The rest is straight forward (in a good way).
Re: Gap-Fold vs. Sour Milk by Venus	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.205.80	27-Jul-04/10:29 AM
I think it needs a refrain. Maybe just a shorter refrain. "Once... there was freshly laundered attire" "Now... there are tank tops, etc." Let us figure out what happened. Good poem. Great ending.