Re: Urbane Jane by MacFrantic	horus8 24.130.62.63	7-Jul-04/7:16 PM
Sounds like this Fugazi song called "Porch Donkey".
Re: Distance by wilco	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.232.77	8-Jul-04/10:52 AM
Almost. That first line troubles me. Sooooooooo, I'll will only vote a -10-
Re: A Piñon Limb by Dovina	wilco 66.162.22.123	8-Jul-04/9:06 AM
People are giving this a hard time, but I rather like it.
Re: Distance by wilco	Don-Quixote 204.31.163.59	8-Jul-04/9:12 AM
And wilco, you've succumbed to cliche. Is this the normal generic prescription for the average joe or what man? BOO! Rude and happily profane, Your ranker jester.
Re: Distance by wilco	Dovina 17.255.240.138	8-Jul-04/10:08 AM
Verse 1 is a summation of the comments on Recyclet Stardust. Verse 2 is anti-love Verse 3 is is a measure of love, and hard to associate with verse 2 Maybe love is the cliche, and this is the answer. Not bad.
Re: I by D. $ Fontera	Dovina 17.255.240.138	8-Jul-04/10:17 AM
Especially like, "All I have is desperation, and sometimes that's enough to get by on."
Re: Urbane Jane by MacFrantic	Dovina 17.255.240.138	8-Jul-04/10:21 AM
I like it all but "confined to." why not give her a choice?
Re: Mm, Shoes... ? by fevriere	Dovina 17.255.240.138	8-Jul-04/10:28 AM
"I am raw sugarcane for the eyes," is a great line. If only the others were. Line 2 is a question mark.
Re: A Piñon Limb by Dovina	some deleted user 24.222.81.233	8-Jul-04/10:31 AM
INSIPID Lovely, but I've just had a bath where waters slap across one's bits.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.232.77	8-Jul-04/10:31 AM
It rarely happens but I occasionally Freudian slip my way to the truth. "I rarely happens" is much more telling than the very necessary last stanza and the act of looking at the keys. Maybe "I Rarely Happens" is a poemranker classic in the making not unlike my highly acclaimed "Rewrite in Progress."
Re: Distance by wilco	some deleted user 24.222.81.233	8-Jul-04/10:32 AM
INSIPID A delicate balancing act.
Re: Differences by gavinduff	Dovina 17.255.240.138	8-Jul-04/10:35 AM
A good story. Some shortening might improve impact. Verse 2 might go: A tiny fly walks In stale alcohol And poignant tears I dunno, play with it.
Re: A Piñon Limb by Dovina	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.232.77	8-Jul-04/10:59 AM
You make me a believer. I thought the poem was about a "pinon lamb." It took two reads to understand why the ravens were crapping on the lamb and then Epiphany! It's about trees and nature and all that stuff. I am a city person, I have no idea what you're talking about. But what you say is Bloobyful, excuse me, beautiful.
Re: Ulterior Not Alterior by MacFrantic	Quarton 12.217.221.61	8-Jul-04/11:44 AM
Not bad but you should avoid cliches such as "beyond a shadow of a doubt" and "damaged goods" and "universal truths." Oh, also "any way you put it." Be original as much as possible.
Re: A Piñon Limb by Dovina	?-Dave_Mysterious-? 80.42.110.207	8-Jul-04/2:59 AM
I think you should change "By winter’s glistening jewels" to "By winter's glistening jowls." It would make the poem flow more beautifully.
Re: Absolute Truth (about Quarton) by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?	horus8 24.130.62.63	7-Jul-04/7:18 PM
This is a tour bus to Uranus if I've ever seen one, and I have... Toured Uranus.
Re: Mm, Shoes... ? by fevriere	richa 81.178.242.35	8-Jul-04/4:41 AM
A bit heavy in adjectives especially the opening line. Could do with a bit more happening with them e.g my pidgeon toes creep..., my bird-narrow eyes watch... etc. From line four onwards this is pretty good.
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 24.222.81.233	8-Jul-04/9:00 AM
INSIPID This poem is quite wondrous.
Re: Mm, Shoes... ? by fevriere	some deleted user 24.222.81.233	8-Jul-04/9:04 AM
INSIPID Full of the pale rousing breaths of morning.
Re: Bankruptcy (2) by INTRANSIT	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	7-Jul-04/5:15 PM
feels firm - the rhyme closes it well.