Re: your garden by nothingtoanyone	god'swife 4.232.177.32	21-Jun-04/7:20 PM
Preaching is not poetry.
Re: Randomness by QuirkyWonder	god'swife 4.232.177.32	21-Jun-04/7:07 PM
Do people really seem immune to you?
Re: Center Of The Universe by Dovina	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	21-Jun-04/6:15 PM
That last line... I was thinking that if you want to keep it, maybe saying a specific kind of bug would add quite a bit. Like "a stinkbug"; "no matter, it was only a stinkbug"
Re: On the Discovery of Simple Sam and A Russian Catastrophe by MacFrantic	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	21-Jun-04/6:19 PM
Quite nice, both.
Re: Worlds Worst Poem by Brittanyy	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	21-Jun-04/6:24 PM
definitely not the world's worst line B: "Now she's getting jealous cuz Im sleeping in your shirt." There is something universally appealing about a woman in a man's shirt. fourth stanza rocks - I think it should be the last one (kill the last stanza).
Re: Conscription by Caducus	god'swife 4.232.177.32	21-Jun-04/7:19 PM
S3 lines 1-5(maybe 6)are good. The rest is not. You're writing doesn't follow any kind of comprehensible path. Except those 6 lines I mentioned.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	21-Jun-04/6:35 PM
hey! this is a very good idea with the hands of the clock physically pulling lovers apart - Its such a good idea that you should form it in at least a dozen ways and pick your favorite to do it justice. Right now, without sounding too harsh I hope, it just sits there happy on the merit of the idea - imagine the impact it would have if said more poetically?
Re: Bankruptcy by INTRANSIT	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	21-Jun-04/6:40 PM
heheh - this is good.
Re: Johnny by MacFrantic	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	21-Jun-04/6:44 PM
I seem to be late and lone in my opinion, but this was effectively captivating.
Re: Sonnetias by MacFrantic	MacFrantic 198.81.26.16	21-Jun-04/7:00 PM
As a footnote, the suffix *-ias* means a speech, or figure of speech, designed to move the passion.
Re: Origins by Doug	god'swife 4.232.177.32	21-Jun-04/7:01 PM
psycho-babble
Re: Misconscrew by DeadtotheWorld	god'swife 4.232.177.32	21-Jun-04/7:06 PM
Check the typos. If the music rocks hard enough this could be pretty good. As a poem it's too simplistic for my tastes, but with it's got loads of commitment.
Re: Sonnetias by MacFrantic	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	21-Jun-04/5:54 PM
L4 try: "A craving deepened by our thoughts of past" L9: "Just ask again and you'll encounter scorn" not too shabby, not too shabby at all. An extra bit for a sonnet.
Re: 5/22 by aburiedlife	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	21-Jun-04/5:55 PM
one of the better free-form pimples in a while.
Re: Drunk and Fucked Up by wilco	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	21-Jun-04/5:57 PM
great hook with seranade I don't like the verb agreement here: "Shake the spiders from my mind and let it eat me up inside." I know that you could mean "it" is something else, but its not intuitive - save the trouble of deciphering and make the quantities agree, imho.
Re: Rosalía de Castro: When I was born by Sasha	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	21-Jun-04/6:00 PM
what you think about using "spake" instead of "spoke"? I think "daggar" s/b "dagger" unless you a punning a character (it could happen!) nice one.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	21-Jun-04/6:02 PM
It is clearly a retelling of the risen Christ, and well told.
Re: Quiet, Kind Hills by Dovina	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	21-Jun-04/6:03 PM
nice to see "ringforts"
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	21-Jun-04/6:04 PM
As I am a lesbian trappen in a man's body, I can understand your plight.
Re: Time Imperfect by MacFrantic	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	21-Jun-04/6:10 PM
Mac-Daddy-Fan, nice job. I wouldn't mind seeing a version that is less of a series of snapshots, less list-like. should "bearing" be "baring" as in exposing themselves? So, although I'd prefer a bit more flow, these ideas leave some solid impressions anyway.