regarding some deleted poem...	SupremeDreamer 204.31.174.226	18-Jun-04/9:13 PM
I feel this could be trimed down, which would give it more impact in my opinion. Blessed with seven.
regarding some deleted poem...	Fire_is_cool 65.100.207.236	18-Jun-04/3:09 PM
I know that it sucks but oh well all of my poems suck. Just like my life.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 65.161.41.48	18-Jun-04/8:08 PM
In response to this poem, I would suggest you become a gay, as homos don't have to deal with all the crap in relationships that we normals do; they've had to work so hard just to get semi-official human being status, and aren't likely to screw it all up over something so silly as who forgot to take out the trash. Think about it.
regarding some deleted poem...	SupremeDreamer 204.31.174.226	18-Jun-04/8:18 PM
Good stuff, but honestly, what point was there in putting in the count-down? Blessed with nine.
Re: What's Poetry by Sasha	zodiac 65.161.41.48	18-Jun-04/8:24 PM
I went to Rilke's grave in Ronda last Christmas. Ronda's one of the most totally ace towns I've ever seen - the best part of Spain, definitely.
Re: Deja Vu by Jeremi B. Handrinos	SupremeDreamer 204.31.174.226	18-Jun-04/8:27 PM
Bravo.
Re: A parking lot, a smoke, and the pleasure of being alone by thepinkbunnyofdoom	SupremeDreamer 204.31.174.226	18-Jun-04/8:31 PM
I like it as is, except you could have added a line break after "I'm somewhere." That said, you are blessed with ten.
Re: Cool In The Army by wilco	SupremeDreamer 204.31.174.226	18-Jun-04/8:34 PM
Not bad, no, not bad at all. Blessed with nine.
Re: What's Poetry by Sasha	edpeterson 68.79.22.247	18-Jun-04/9:20 PM
i took a trip to detroit several years ago.
regarding some deleted poem...	edpeterson 68.79.22.247	18-Jun-04/9:22 PM
i think the ending would read better as "you have to suck my cock to ease my pain" Or "you have to massage my rectum to ease my pain"
Re: Navy Pier by Doug	edpeterson 68.79.22.247	18-Jun-04/9:24 PM
stoic? lilted breeze? final stanza is quite good
Re: What's Poetry by Sasha	wilco 24.176.102.131	18-Jun-04/9:49 PM
Seems like something you just vomited up, but still not bad. You've got to change this: All somewhat whisky, won’t apply at all If I don’t know who or what you is
Re: Navy Pier by Doug	zodiac 65.161.41.48	18-Jun-04/9:37 PM
Here's the grammar bit: You don't need a comma between stoic and cobalt. "It's" should "its", and I had trouble remembering that 'it' was Lake Michigan. I'd consider saying "the lilted breeze" and running the sentence into the next stanza, instead. At any rate, the second bit needs a little work. You've got "as I drank" doing double duty as subordinate clause for two main clauses, a big No-no. The best I can come up with for a revision would be something like: I can still hear Lake Michigan's soft and stoic cobalt breakers. The lilted breeze by the Beer Garden mixed so well with your silly laugh, blew your russet hair against my cheek as I drank the rest of your warm Black & Tan, stared at the shimmering of your freckled shoulder, half concerned that sweat and sun could make such splendor. I'm not really pleased with that - as you've pointed out, I'm not great shakes at poetry-writing lately. But you get the idea. Some other little things: 1) "stared at" bothers me. I hate that construction, and though everyone on this site is bound to bust my ass for saying it, I like "watched" a lot better. Or "stared ______ at" with some adverb or other (hard, sleepily, stupidly, come to mind) inserted. 2) I wasn't really prepared for "half-concerned". Looking back for clues, I get the "silly" girl who doesn't deserve to be so splendorous - and that's about it. Maybe it's enough and I just wasn't paying enough attention the first time; see what other people think about it. 3) "so well" is a waste of space, a place-holder expression. You can think of a better description. 4) You should break the line after "sun". Then you get an easy half-rhyme with "Tan" and you don't have to worry about the last line being much longer than any of the others. That's about it. It's not bad, really. Definitely the best of your posts.
Re: That Girl Before by Miggy	Sasha 69.138.236.63	18-Jun-04/9:44 PM
I tried to read this as a poem and found that it just didn't work. It maybe a good song for all I know, I didn't have the music though.
Re: Even manic dreamers must face Atropos by SupremeDreamer	caitydee 205.188.116.68	18-Jun-04/9:45 PM
Very well done, I like the repition, yet its not overdone so it still flows, it just makes sense, I really like this one.
Re: 0 by MacFrantic	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	18-Jun-04/4:27 AM
what is "Oh snap" mean?
regarding some deleted poem...	fair12 66.84.225.2	18-Jun-04/6:59 AM
very wise - liked this one!
Re: love and hate by jessicasgurl	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 163.1.146.135	18-Jun-04/7:53 AM
terribly disappointing
Re: nanana by FreeFormFixation	zodiac 65.161.41.48	18-Jun-04/9:49 AM
re: "Point A must always meet point B unless a line divides a means." Would you say that, like poetry, math is a subject which pretty much everybody is equally qualified to talk about, that there are no right or wrong answers in math?
regarding some deleted poem...	Doug 64.12.116.140	18-Jun-04/11:50 AM
Kudos!