Re: a comment on Getting Pumped Up to Get Laid by PodPoet	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 82.39.21.223	3-Mar-05/2:16 PM
lol
Re: a comment on Hunger 2 by Dovina	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 82.39.21.223	3-Mar-05/2:05 PM
What about it? For a start, you plainly don't actually program in Lisp. No actual Lisp programmer puts end brackets on separate lines. And you haven't exploited Lisp's homoiconic (lol) nature at all, which is the only reason to use Lisp. Also, commenting the end of control structures is quaint, but pointless, and only seen in textbooks. Furthermore, "hunger" is a terrible name for a function. Hunger is a thing. You can't "do" hunger. And Christ alone knows what 'fulfill-desires' does. Whatever it is, it evidently doesn't involve satisfying hunger, as that's taken care of in "hunger". And you don't use any function parameters, or declare any local variables. All your variables are global. They fail. You fail. Aside from its bulbous demerits as a program, it's an utter swellington as a poeme. And that ain't good. -10-
Re: a comment on The Gentleman by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 82.39.21.223	3-Mar-05/1:48 PM
'Training braw' is the best thing you've ever posted.
Re: Amphetamine Witches & Scrabble by Bachus	Dovina 12.72.4.218	3-Mar-05/7:06 AM
I like the audiance sarcasm in the first verse - a funny twist.
Re: A Time by DevilBuni	Dovina 12.72.4.218	3-Mar-05/6:59 AM
I agree. Verse 4 has potential - could become the poem.
Re: We Have Nothing to Talk About by jessicazee	Dovina 12.72.4.218	3-Mar-05/6:57 AM
Good. I think you could make it stronger by cutting a few words - "trance" - 3 adjectives in a row. And a line break after "secrets." "so" in line 7
Re: a comment on Advertising says: by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.4.218	3-Mar-05/6:45 AM
It always bothers me when people say they eat healthy food, as if the health of the food matters. What they think they are eating is healthful food. That’s what advertisers are promoting in products like breakfast cereal. On the other side are McDonalds and its look-alikes that promote tasty food which usually contains too much saturated fat (which could add to body weight but not necessarily; that’s another use of the word “fat.”). The dichotomy is tasty fat verses healthful food. So it goes throughout the 31 lines (counting blank lines) and 44 words – dichotomous pairs.
Re: I'm Aboard by Ali_cat018	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	3-Mar-05/6:36 AM
Filth
Re: spiders and butterflies by Mona Lisa	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	3-Mar-05/6:36 AM
Very dull
Re: We Have Nothing to Talk About by jessicazee	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	3-Mar-05/6:35 AM
Gritty.
Re: a comment on Advertising says: by Dovina	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	3-Mar-05/6:33 AM
Spaz.
Re: My Fair Maiden! by Sashaclese	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	3-Mar-05/6:32 AM
Awful.
Re: Amphetamine Witches & Scrabble by Bachus	jessicazee 205.188.116.135	3-Mar-05/1:06 AM
Scrap the first stanza, albeit with my fair regards- the rest I be liking. 8.9
Re: A Time by DevilBuni	James Rykelangeli 169.229.90.109	3-Mar-05/12:16 AM
A very common sentiment expressed -- very -- tritely. Considering that you're working with a sentiment most have experienced to some degree, your primary concern is not in endowing the reader with an understanding of it, but rather in the poeticizing of it. If you want to continue writing poetry, I suggest you experiment with the potential of poetic language: for instance, as an exercise, you might try writing this poem several different ways, each time using different imagery and metaphors. At the same time, however, retain the clearness of expression that you already seem to possess; as it stands, your poetry is more like banal prose. Avoid trite phraseology or word choices like: "once there was a time", "happy", "smile", "cry more than smile", "sorrow I feel is strong", "stranger", "nowhere to belong", "I wish", "sang me that song", "I'm empty", etc. Let your language off its leash! The opposite of banality is novelty, so seek to be novel -- but be sure to still communicate clearly. Then you will make progress.
Re: a comment on Forsaken by DevilBuni	DevilBuni 149.152.192.18	2-Mar-05/7:48 PM
Most of my poems I write real quick when it comes in my head, so I jot it down and always forget the punctuation. Im working on that and the grammar. I've been rereading my poetry journal and working on it so when I post stuff here or on my other site it will be ready. As far as the content - thats my business. Im not trying to connect with anyone. Those were just the words that came to me one day. Im not saying its the greatest, but thats what made sense to me. Im not going to try and explain the situation other than it was more than a "friend dissing me."
Re: The Path by hummers86	DevilBuni 149.152.192.18	2-Mar-05/7:01 PM
stanza 4 is a little off tempo and some of the rhymes feel forced - like life and stride and made and aid. But overall, I enjoyed it. :)
Re: Amphetamine Witches & Scrabble by Bachus	edpeterson 68.79.203.220	2-Mar-05/5:49 PM
..."in the paddleboat of our endless love"
Re: Amphetamine Witches & Scrabble by Bachus	nentwined 64.60.192.130	2-Mar-05/4:24 PM
This is a lot of fun.
Re: Advertising says: by Dovina	Bachus 24.130.62.63	2-Mar-05/3:17 PM
Contrived crap
Re: Advertising says: by Dovina	richa 81.178.250.129	2-Mar-05/11:39 AM
Eat healthfully? If you really believe advertising is some great contradiction because some people want you to spent your money on their tat and not someone else's but that someone else wants the opposite then I would at least suggest portraying these people asking you to be fat or to 'eat healthfully'. And what is the spacing all about, 44 words on 31 lines!